Why Was My eHarmony Authenticity Check Rejected?

Usually for one of three reasons: poor lighting or a blurry video, your face not being fully visible, or a mismatch between you and your photos. eHarmony recommends trying again on a mobile device rather than a laptop or desktop, in good lighting, with your face clearly visible.

eHarmony's list of reasons is short, and none of them is about how attractive you are. The check was never asking that question.

• Poor lighting or a blurry video. A dim room at night, or a hand that moved while you recorded, makes your face hard to compare with anything.
• Your face not fully visible. A cap, sunglasses, a hand near your chin, or half your head outside the frame.
• A mismatch with your photos. The face in the video does not line up with the face in your photos.

The first two are about the recording, and they are easy to fix. The third is about your photos, and it is the one worth thinking about.

eHarmony specifically recommends trying again on a mobile device rather than a laptop or desktop. A laptop camera usually sits below your face, lit by the glow of the screen, and the picture it gives is often grainy.

So pick up your phone, hold it at eye level, and do it again.

Before you record, wipe the lens. A thumbprint smear over the camera is enough to make a whole video look soft, and it is the easiest thing in the world to miss.

Face a window during the day, or stand under a bright ceiling light, rather than having the light behind you. Take off anything that covers part of your face: a cap, sunglasses, a hood. Keep your whole face in the frame from start to finish, and hold still enough that the video stays sharp.

It sounds obvious, and it is. Those few minutes of setup take care of the first two causes on the list.

If you wear glasses every day, try it without them. Reflections on the lenses can hide your eyes, which are the part of your face that matters most for a match.

If your lighting was good, your face was clear, and the check still failed, look hard at your photos.

A mismatch means the photos show a man the video does not. The photos might be several years and a haircut out of date. They might be taken from a flattering angle that changes the shape of your face. Or they might be edited. eHarmony's check also looks at whether photos have been digitally altered, so a smoothing filter or a face-editing app can cause exactly this problem.

The fix is not a better video. It is better photos. Replace the oldest and most edited ones with recent, unfiltered photos taken in good light, then try the check again.

If you are not sure which photos are the problem, ask a friend. Show them your photos, then let them look at you, and ask which ones no longer match. A friend will spot a five-year-old photo in a second, even when you cannot.

The check does, in a few seconds, what every first date does in a minute. A woman who agrees to meet you compares the man in front of her with the man in your photos. If they do not line up, the date starts with her quietly lowering her expectations, and that is hard to win back over one drink.

a dating coach puts the catfish problem on his list of the things that make online dating frustrating. Nobody sets out to be on the wrong side of it. An out-of-date photo posted in good faith lands you there anyway. Current photos cost you nothing and protect every date you set up.

Once you pass, pick up where you left off. Reply to anyone you left waiting, and write to the suggested partners who caught your eye.

Keep your notes short and specific, and when a conversation has had a few friendly exchanges, suggest meeting.

If the check still fails after you have fixed the light and replaced the old photos, contact eHarmony's Customer Care rather than recording the same video over and over. The check has confirmed you are the man in your photos. Now put that to use on an actual date.