Because The League sets your wait from several factors, and only some of them are yours. Everyone starts on the Waitlist, and The League says the wait can run from a few hours to a few weeks or more. The factors it names start with the quality of what you submitted and how specific your preferences are. Then come the size of The League where you live and its mix of genders and ages. The last is whether anyone has referred or endorsed you, or sent you a Golden Ticket.

Everyone starts in the same place

The first thing to know is that the Waitlist is not a sign something went wrong. The League puts every applicant on it. Being there is simply what applying looks like.

What differs is how long you stay. It might be a few hours for one man and a few weeks or more for another, and the difference comes down to the factors above. Some of them you can change tonight. Others you cannot change at all.

The part you control most

The quality of what you submitted is the factor most in your hands, and it is where most men lose time without noticing.

Photos come first. a dating coach's view is that photos matter more than anything else on a dating app, and a man of ordinary looks can do well with good ones. So look hard at yours. Is the first one a clear, recent shot of your face in good light? Do the rest show different places and different days, or one afternoon from five angles? Is there a photo you keep only because you like it, even though it does nothing for how you come across?

Then look at what you wrote. A few lines that show what an evening with you is like beat a list of job titles and hobbies. You can keep updating your application from the Waitlist, so every improvement you make now counts toward the review.

Why narrow preferences slow you down

The League says it plainly: the narrower your preferences, the longer the wait.

The reason is easy to see. Every requirement you add removes people from the pool you can be matched with, and a man with a small pool is harder to place. a dating coach makes a related point about how filters work on the apps in general. A woman who would have liked you can shut you out with one setting, an age limit for example, before either of you has seen the other. Your settings do the same thing to her.

So go through your preferences and ask which ones truly decide whether you would date someone. Keep those. Loosen the ones that only describe an ideal, because each of them costs you time on the Waitlist and people once you are in.

The part you do not control

Two factors have nothing to do with you. One is how big The League is in your community. The other is its gender and age ratios there.

The League does not say how it weighs them, but the plain reading is this. If The League is small in your area, or already has plenty of men your age compared with the women looking for them, a new man like you is harder to place and waits longer. If the numbers run the other way, the wait shrinks.

You cannot fix either one, so do not spend energy on it. Knowing it is there still helps, because it tells you a long wait is not a verdict on you. Plenty of men sit on the Waitlist for weeks for reasons that have nothing to do with rejection.

Help from people already inside

The last factor is whether anyone has vouched for you. The League names referrals, endorsements and Golden Tickets as things that affect your wait.

If you have friends who are already members, this is the one time it makes sense to ask. A short message to a friend on the app costs you nothing. If you do not know anyone there, do not go chasing strangers for a favor. Put that energy into the factors you control instead.

How to use the wait

The wait is time you can use.

Improve your application while it sits in line. Replace the weakest photo, cut the line that reads like a résumé, and loosen one preference you set too tight. Then get ready for what comes after. When you are let in, your first matches will want a reply. The men who do best on a curated app answer the same day, keep their messages short and about her, and move toward a plan once she is clearly enjoying the conversation. a dating coach's rule is that messages exist to get you off the app and onto a date. Have that habit ready before your first match arrives, and the weeks on the Waitlist will not have been wasted.