Why Am I Always Flirting With Everyone?

Most men who flirt with everyone do it out of habit and ease, not a plan. Joking and teasing is how you talk, it makes people like you, and it feels good when it works. Alcohol, nerves or a need to be liked can push it further. It is not a flaw in itself. It becomes a problem when it gives people the wrong idea, when it upsets someone you are close to, or when you use it to feel wanted instead of to enjoy someone's company. If you have asked why you always flirt with women, with people, with your friends, with your crush, when you drink or with your girlfriend, the sections below cover each case.

It is your normal way of talking. Some people are playful by default. They joke, compliment and tease because that is how they connect. You may have grown up doing it, or learned that it works.

It gets you attention. Being the fun, charming guy is rewarding. If people respond well, you do it more. Over time it becomes automatic.

You want to be liked. Flirting can be a way of keeping everyone happy. If you worry people will not like you otherwise, you may flirt to smooth things over.

It feels safe. A playful tone is easier than serious talk. A joke gives you somewhere to hide when a conversation turns personal.

You like women's company. If you enjoy talking to women, flirting may be the only way you know how to do it. That is common among men who spent years wanting to get better with women.

Alcohol. Drinking lowers your guard and makes it easier to say things you would not sober. That is why you may notice you flirt more when you drink. It is also why you may say things that confuse people or that you regret.

It depends on what it does. Ask yourself:

• Do people leave conversations with you feeling good?
• Does anyone seem confused about whether you are interested?
• Has anyone told you it made them uncomfortable?
• Do you flirt even when you know it could cause trouble, such as at work or with someone's partner?
• Do you notice that you need the attention?

If the answers are comfortable, you probably have a pleasant, social personality. If the answers worry you, it is worth changing.

Friendly flirting can be harmless between people who both know it is a joke. It becomes a problem when one of them is hoping it means something. A woman friend who has feelings may read your teasing as a signal, and a man who flirts with her and then dates someone else can hurt her.

If you flirt with a friend, ask yourself whether you want more with her. If not, keep the warmth and cut the signals. If you do, tell her.

Flirting with a crush is normal and usually the point. The trouble is that you may do it so easily that she cannot tell it is different with her. Because you flirt with everyone, you need another way to show she is special. Spend more time with her, ask her real questions, remember what she says, and say clearly that you like her.

Flirting with your girlfriend is great. Flirting with everyone else while you have one can be a different story. Many women are uncomfortable when their partner is playful with other women, even if it means nothing to him.

Talk about it. Ask what she is comfortable with, and listen. Respect her answer even if you think it is silly, because the point is that she feels secure with you. Make sure you flirt with her more than with anyone else.

If you notice you flirt differently after a few drinks, set some limits before you go out. Decide how many you will have. Keep track of who you are talking to. If you are with a partner, tell a friend to nudge you if you drift. The next morning, notice whether you are glad about how you behaved. If not, adjust.

Flirting at work needs the most care. People cannot easily walk away from a coworker, and a joke that you meant as friendly can be unwelcome. Keep conversation professional with colleagues, especially anyone who reports to you or whom you report to.

1. Decide who you actually like. Warm and playful is fine with everyone. Flirty and interested should be for people you want to date.
2. Make your interest clear to the one you want. Tell her you like her, and ask her out.
3. Watch how people respond. If someone seems uncomfortable, confused or too hopeful, dial it back.
4. Be honest with yourself. If you flirt to feel wanted, find other sources of confidence, such as friendships, a hobby, a routine you like.
5. Respect partners. Do not flirt with someone who is clearly taken.

Playful men are fun to be around. Knowing the difference between being friendly and being interested lets you keep that quality without causing harm.