What to Say When a Woman Says She Is Busy on the Street

Take her at her word, keep it light and give her an easy way out. A good reply is "Totally fair, I will be quick," followed by one sentence about why you stopped her. If she says busy a second time, say "Good to meet you, have a good one" and let her go. You lose nothing by leaving warmly, and you often gain more than by pushing.

The rest of this article is about telling the different kinds of "busy" apart and what to say for each.

A woman who says she is busy might mean one of three things.

1. She really is in a hurry. She has a train, a meeting or a friend waiting.
2. She is polite and not interested. "Busy" is the easiest way to end it kindly.
3. She is unsure. She is caught off guard and uses the first reason that comes to mind.

You cannot know which one it is from one word. That is why your first reply should work for all three: friendly, short and without pressure.

Say something that acknowledges her and costs her nothing.

• "Totally fair. I will be quick. I just wanted to say you looked great and introduce myself."
• "No problem, ten seconds. I saw you and had to say hi."
• "I can tell you are on your way. I will not keep you."

Notice what these do. They agree with her, they put a limit on the time and they say plainly why you stopped. A man who sounds calm and brief is easy to answer.

If she softens, smiles or slows down, she was unsure, and you now have a conversation. If she says "Sorry, I really have to go," she was telling the truth.

A warm exit is its own result. It tells her you are not a man who gets angry or clingy when a woman says no, and that matters if you ever see her again.

• "No worries. Have a good one."
• "All good, enjoy your day."
• "Nice to meet you, even for ten seconds."

Then actually leave. Do not add a last pitch, do not ask if she is sure and do not follow her for another block. a dating coach's standard for a good approach is that you "physically walk up to a girl and utter a sound." If you did that and left well, the approach was a success.

Sometimes "busy" comes with an opening. She says "I have ten minutes" or "I am meeting someone in a bit." That is not a no. It is a time limit, and you can work inside it.

If she gives you a few minutes, use them well and keep the conversation easy. A short coffee beats no meeting at all.

If she cannot stay, a different step may fit. Ask for her number or her Instagram and say you will be in touch. Do it lightly: "Fair enough. Give me your number and I will text you when you have time."

• "Come on, it will only take a minute." That pressures her and proves she was right to want out.
• "Everyone says they are busy." It insults her and makes her leave faster.
• A long explanation of who you are. She has no time for it.
• Sarcasm about the word busy. Even if you think it is a brush-off, mocking her is never useful.

"Busy" is a common, easy answer to a stranger on a street. It is rarely a judgment on you.

a dating coach says that most guys lose the girl "not because they did something wrong. They hesitated." A man who hears "busy" and answers calmly has already beaten the hesitation, and that is the skill being built. Treat each approach as a rep, not a vote on your worth.

The best way to get comfortable with this moment is to hear it a few times with a coach beside you who can tell you whether your tone sounded relaxed or hurt. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, that is what the field time is for. Every training day has two four-hour blocks in Miami or New York, with live coaching on each approach and feedback after every set.