The dating assistant is an AI chat inside Facebook Dating that helps you find people with smart recommendations and gives AI generated dating advice. It sits in the Matches tab: tap Menu, then Dating, then Matches, then dating assistant under Conversations. You can ask it to find women who fit a description you type, and it searches on details such as job, education level, height, stated age, location, interests, languages and zodiac sign.
Where to find it
- Open the Facebook app and tap Menu.
- Tap Dating.
- Tap Matches.
- Under Conversations, tap dating assistant.
It shows up as a chat, alongside your other conversations. You talk to it the same way you would text anyone, by typing what you want.
What you can ask it to search for
The assistant can search Dating profiles against a prompt you give it. Facebook lists the kinds of details it uses: job, education level, height, stated age, location, interests, languages and zodiac sign.
So you can type something like "women who like hiking and speak Spanish" or "someone in healthcare who lives near downtown" and get suggestions to look through.
Notice what is not on that list. Nothing about whether she is warm, funny, easy to talk to or actually looking for something. Those are the things that decide whether a date goes well, and no search field captures them.
What stays private
Facebook says your messages with other daters remain private. That is the one privacy point it states about the assistant.
Take it at exactly that. It tells you your chats with women stay between you and them. It does not tell you anything about what you type to the assistant itself, so do not assume more than Facebook says. Keep anything you would not want stored out of that chat.
Use it to widen your search, not narrow it
The worst way to use a search tool is to stack filters until nobody is left.
Men do this with height, age and a few interests, then wonder why the app feels empty. Every detail you add cuts the pool. Zodiac sign and a specific job title cut it hard, and neither tells you much about whether you would enjoy a Friday night with her.
The better use runs the other way. Ask for something broad that matters to you, like women who are into the outdoors or who love live music. Then judge the suggestions with your own eyes: her photos, her answers, and whether anything there gives you something real to write about.
Treat its advice as a starting point
The assistant also gives AI generated dating advice. Some of it will be sensible. Most of it will be general, because it is written for everyone.
Test any tip against your own results rather than taking it on faith. If a piece of advice gets women replying, keep it. If your conversations still stall after a few lines, the problem is usually specific to you: your opening, your timing, or how soon you suggest meeting. General advice rarely finds that.
The part no assistant can do
A search can put a woman in front of you. It cannot write to her in your voice or ask her out.
Keep your first line short and about something specific. Mention the trail in her third photo, or the city she says she misses, and ask one easy question. Women can tell the difference between a message written to them and a line that could have gone to anyone.
Then do what most men put off. Once she is replying warmly, suggest a simple plan with a day attached, and ask for her number so the conversation can continue off the app. The assistant can help you find her. Getting from a match to a table for two is still your job.
Written by Matthew Stevens, Co-Founder & Head Coach. More than half a decade coaching men across the US and worldwide.
Everything here comes out of real coaching work: the approaches, dates, texts and profiles we go through with the men we coach.