What Should You Write in Your OkCupid Bio?

Write a short paragraph in four parts. Open with one line that sounds like you, add one scene from your week, add one opinion a woman could argue with, and finish with one plain sentence about what you want. Many men call this box the self summary. Whatever the app labels it, it is the free text about you, and it should read the way you talk across a table.

Your pictures get a woman to stop. Your words decide what she thinks of you once she has. On OkCupid they carry more weight than on a swipe app, because the whole site is built around written answers and questions.

a dating coach makes the same point about longer-form sites: the written part matters more there than it does on Tinder, where it should be shorter. So treat this paragraph as the thing that earns a conversation, not as a box to fill so the page looks done.

Aim for four to six short sentences. That is long enough to give her several things to ask about and short enough that she reaches the end.

A bio of one line, like "Just ask," gives her nothing. A bio of five paragraphs gets skimmed, and the best line in it gets lost. Think of how much you would say before a woman at a table asked you something, and stop about there.

Start with a sentence nobody else could have written. Do not describe your personality in adjectives. "Funny, easygoing, loves to travel" fits half the men on the site.

Compare two openings. "I am a laid-back guy who enjoys the outdoors" could be anyone. "I own three kayaks and have been in a lake with each of them by accident" can only be one man, and it makes her smile.

You do not need a joke. A plain, odd fact works just as well: "I have read the same mystery novel four times and still cannot remember who did it."

Give her a picture of an ordinary Tuesday or Saturday. A scene says more than a list of hobbies, because she can see it and ask about it.

"Most Saturdays I drive out to a lake an hour away, make bad coffee on a camp stove and read until my phone dies" is a scene. "I enjoy nature and reading" is a category. Pick a day, a place and one small detail.

If your week is mostly work, use the work. "I run the night shift at a bakery, so I eat dinner at ten in the morning" is a real life, and she will have a question.

Add one mild opinion. It shows personality and hands her a reason to write back.

Pick something low stakes: "Sequels are underrated," "Breakfast should be eaten at three in the afternoon," "A road trip with no playlist is a road trip wasted." Avoid politics and avoid anything that would make a woman feel judged.

a dating coach found that his own results improved a good deal once he wrote with real opinions and stopped trying to please everyone. A page that tries to be acceptable to all disappears. A page that says one thing clearly gets a reply from the women who like it.

a dating coach's rule for any dating site is that you attract what you describe. A page written like a man after something casual draws casual interest. A page that says you want a relationship draws women who want one.

So say it once, in plain words, in a relaxed tone. "I am looking for someone to cook with and argue with, and I am in no hurry." Do not apologize for it, and do not hide it inside a joke.

Here is the shape, with all four parts together.

"I own three kayaks and have been in a lake with each of them by accident. Most Saturdays I drive out to the water, make bad coffee on a camp stove and read until my phone dies. I will defend the sequel to any movie, and I will lose the argument. I am looking for someone to cook with and argue with, and I am in no hurry."

That is about sixty words. It has a fact only he could write, a scene, an opinion and a plain wish. A woman can ask about the kayaks, the coffee, the sequel or what he cooks. Copy the shape, not the words, because she has to be able to ask about a life you actually live.

a dating coach's short list is anything negative, anything needy, anything strange and anything that rules too many women out. That removes complaints about dating, lines like "no drama," and rules about who should not write to you.

It also removes the paragraph about your ex, and the stock lines every woman has read, such as "I work hard and play hard." If you mention a divorce at all, keep it to one fact and spend your words on the life you have now.

OkCupid builds the percentage a woman sees from the questions you both answered. A bio that says you love quiet weekends and answers that say you want a packed social calendar send two stories at once.

Answer the questions honestly and keep the paragraph in step with them. If you shape your answers to please women, the percentage starts pairing you with women who suit a man you are not.

Cover your name and read it aloud. Could any man in your city have written it? If yes, add the one detail only you would know.

Then ask a friend what they would ask you about after reading it. If they ask nothing, she will not either. When a woman quotes a line back to you, that line is working, and the rest should be built to match it.