What Mistakes Should You Avoid When Looking for a New Girlfriend?

The five mistakes that hurt men most are these. Committing to the first woman who shows interest. Going straight from one relationship into the next. Drawing only from the people you already know. Staying with someone who is wrong for you out of fear. Letting your whole social life shrink around one person. Each one is common, and each is easy to avoid once you can see it.

A good girlfriend is worth looking for. The way you look decides whether you find one or just find someone.

Many men end up with the first woman who gives them attention. It can feel like luck. It is often laziness, or fear of a dating world you have never seen.

The risk shows up later. If the relationship ends in your thirties and you have almost no other experience, you enter the market with the skills of a twenty year old and the pressure of a man who feels behind. That is a hard place to start.

Better to meet and date several different women early on. You learn what you like, what you cannot stand and how you behave in a relationship. Then your choice is a choice.

Some men never spend a month single. The moment one ends, they look for the next. The reason is usually not love. It is that being single feels like a desert: no touch, no attention, no one to talk to.

The cost lands on the women. They think the relationship is going somewhere, and you were only avoiding an empty week. It also costs you, because you never learn what went wrong the last time.

The fix is to leave space between relationships and to build a life in which being single is not painful. When you know you can meet new women, the next girlfriend looks less like a rescue.

Most men look for a girlfriend within their own circle: coworkers, friends of friends, women from the gym. Two problems follow. The pool is small, so you end up considering women you barely feel for. And when a relationship ends inside a group, everyone feels the damage, including your friends.

Meeting new women outside your circle widens the pool and keeps your social world safe. Cold approach is the most direct way to do it. You walk up to someone you have never seen, have a real conversation, and learn that you can bring entirely new people into your life.

Some men stay with a woman they know is wrong, because they believe they will not find anyone else. This is the most expensive mistake, because it costs years.

If you can start a conversation with a new woman any week you choose, the fear loosens. You do not have to hold on to a relationship that makes you smaller. Confidence in meeting people makes it easier to choose well and to leave well.

Once a man has a girlfriend, his friends, hobbies and goals can quietly vanish. A woman is usually less attracted to a man who has no life apart from her. Keep your friends, your training and your ambitions. A man with his own direction is easier to love.

1. Meet more women than you need. The more options you have met, the less you cling to any one of them.
2. Treat early dating as exploration. Learn what works for you.
3. Take time between relationships to review what happened.
4. Keep your life full. Friends, work and interests stay in place.
5. Choose on purpose. Ask what you actually want from a girlfriend before you start looking.

All five mistakes grow from the same root: not trusting that you can meet a good woman whenever you decide to. The cure is to build that ability. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, you spend two four-hour blocks a day approaching real women with a coach beside you. Men who leave knowing they can start a conversation anywhere describe choosing differently, because they are no longer afraid of being alone.

If you want to talk through your own situation first, a call with one of our coaches is a good place to start.