How Do You Date During Law School?

You date during law school by treating it like a schedule problem, not a luck problem. Block two evenings a week, meet women outside your program as well as inside it, and walk up to people in the places you already go. Waiting until you have time never works, because law school never gives you any.

Reading loads, cold calls, journals and recruiting leave you drained by Thursday. Your classmates are in the same state, and a small cohort means everyone knows who is dating whom. A bad date can follow you into the library.

The result is a trap most men fall into without noticing: they stay home, tell themselves they will date after finals, and then see the next semester start. A year disappears.

The fix is not more free time. It is a small, repeatable routine that fits around your work.

Pick a floor you can keep even in a bad week. For most students that is two things:

• One evening out where you talk to new people. A bar, a bookstore, a gym class, a friend's party.
• One daytime stretch where you say hello to someone. A cafe after class, the walk to the train, a break between study blocks.

Put them in your calendar. Treat them like a class you cannot skip. The point is steady contact, since a man who speaks to eight women in a month is more likely to find someone than a man who plans one perfect night.

Protect the date once you have one. A study session can move. A first date that gets cancelled twice dies.

Your class pulls you into one narrow circle. Widen it.

• Undergraduate and other graduate programs on the same campus.
• Hospitals, tech offices and banks near your school.
• Fitness classes, climbing gyms and running clubs.
• Volunteer clinics, where you meet people with similar values.
• Cafes and bars outside the neighborhood your classmates use.

Women outside law school also tend to find your schedule more understandable than a stranger might expect, and they do not know your reputation among your classmates.

Dating a classmate can work. It also carries risk. You will see her in every seminar, and a breakup can make the semester awkward.

If you do, keep it low profile, be clear about what you want, and treat her well even if it ends. Never get involved with a teaching assistant, a professor or anyone in a supervisory role over you. Check your school's rules before you ask anyone out.

Events like the mixers, the formal dances and the bar review nights give you easy openings. Go without waiting for a date. Walk up to someone and talk. Having no date for a formal is much less awkward than you expect, especially if you arrive relaxed and meet people while you are there.

Law school trains you to argue. On a date, that habit can hurt you. Women do not want a cross-examination or a debate about the best restaurant.

Try the opposite: ask a question, listen, and respond with humor instead of rebuttal. Talk about something other than law. Everyone in your program talks about cases. A man who can discuss travel, music or a weird hobby stands out.

Be concise about your workload. Mention it once, lightly, and move on. A man who complains for twenty minutes sounds exhausting.

You do not have time for elaborate evenings, and you do not need them.

• Coffee or a walk between classes, forty-five minutes.
• Drinks near her place, ending on your schedule.
• A dinner on a night you have planned ahead, with the next morning clear of deadlines.

Offer a specific day and time: "Thursday at seven, there is a quiet wine bar near campus." Choose a place you know, so you spend your attention on her.

Be honest about timing during exams. A line like "I am buried until the tenth, can I take you out after?" is far better than disappearing.

The skill that is hardest to build is the first hello. It is also the one that pays off for the next decade, long after the bar exam.

Men who practice it in school tend to carry it into their first job, when the workload is the same and the pool of women is wider. A coach in the field can give you real-time feedback on your approaches, which is much faster than learning from awkward evenings alone. Bootcamps in Miami and New York are built around exactly that, with a written plan you take home.

Start this week by putting two blocks in your calendar and keeping both.