What Does Exclusive Dating Mean?

Exclusive dating means you and the person you are seeing have both agreed not to date anyone else. You are still dating, not necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, but you have each closed the door on other people for now. Dating on its own does not mean you are exclusive. Exclusive is something you say, not something that happens after enough dates.

Two people are exclusive when:

• Each has told the other they are not seeing anyone else.
• Each has agreed to the same thing.

If only one of you has decided, you are not exclusive. You are a man who has privately stopped dating and a woman who has not, which is a recipe for hurt.

It helps to see exclusive dating in the middle of a ladder.

Casual dating. You see each other, and either of you may also see other people. Nothing has been promised. This is the default when two people start dating.

Exclusive dating. You both stop seeing others. There may be no title and no big talk about the future, but a rule now exists.

A relationship. You are a couple. You have a label, you introduce each other to people, and you both expect to continue.

For many people, exclusive and relationship blur into one. For others, exclusive is a step in between. The words do not have fixed edges, so what counts is what the two of you agree.

Most men fear that exclusive means signing up for something huge. It usually means a short list of things:

• You do not date or sleep with anyone else.
• You do not keep chasing other options in the background.
• You are honest with her if your feelings change.

Depending on what the two of you decide, it may also mean coming off any dating apps. It does not automatically mean you have to meet her parents, move in together, post pictures or promise a future. Those are separate decisions.

It also does not mean you have to see her more often, text every day or drop your friends. Exclusive says who you are seeing. It says nothing about how often.

• It does not mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend unless you have both said so.
• It does not mean marriage or even a long-term plan.
• It does not mean you cannot end it. If it stops working, you can say so honestly and end it.

No. Seeing someone, even regularly, and even sleeping together, does not mean exclusive unless you have discussed it. Assume she may be seeing others until you have both said otherwise. The same applies the other way: do not blame her for seeing someone when no one agreed to anything.

Exclusive tells you the rule. It is still dating, since you are seeing each other to find out whether it works. It is a safer form of dating, because both people know where they stand.

When you talk about it, spell out what you each mean. People often agree on the word and mean different things. Ask or say the details:

• No dating anyone else.
• No sleeping with anyone else.
• Coming off any dating apps.
• Whether to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
• Whether to tell friends and family.

Two adults can agree on the first and disagree on the last, then each think the other was clear. Say it plainly: "I would like us to stop seeing other people. Are you somewhere similar?"

Men tend to hesitate for two reasons. They are afraid of losing options, or afraid of asking and hearing no. If you are not sure you want to close your options, wait. If you are sure and nervous about asking, remember that asking is only information. A woman who wants the same thing will be glad you said it. One who does not will tell you, and you will know where you stand.

Exclusive dating is a clear, shared agreement to see only each other. It is less than a full relationship in what it promises, and more than casual dating in what it asks. Say it out loud, agree on the details, and keep it honest.