What Are Good First Date Ideas?

Good first date ideas are short, quiet enough to talk, and easy to extend or end. A coffee followed by a walk, a drink at a bar with booths, or an hour at a food market all fit. Pick something near where you live, avoid anything with a fixed end time, and have a second stop in mind. Whether you want first date ideas for adults, for teens, in Manhattan, Brooklyn or New Jersey, or ideas for food, what to wear and what to bring, those rules hold.

a dating coach gives a short set of rules for first dates, and they apply almost everywhere.

1. Meet near your place. You know the area, you control the details, and a good evening can continue without anyone needing a ride.
2. Have a plan beyond the first venue. The first stop is where you meet, the second is within a few minutes, and the third is wherever you are both comfortable.
3. Avoid anything that stops you talking or leaving. If it blocks conversation or has a hard end time, it is the wrong format.

Everything below is a version of those.

This is the lowest-pressure option and a great one for a first meeting. You start sitting, then move, which loosens up the stiffness of a table. Choose a coffee shop near a park, a waterfront or a lively street.

If the conversation is flat, you have spent half an hour and nobody is trapped. If it is good, you have a natural reason to keep going.

A drink works when the place is calm and you can sit beside her instead of across a table. My reasoning is that a table makes closeness harder, and a first date needs a little of it. Go on a quiet night and arrive a few minutes early.

If you do not drink, order a soft drink or tea. Nobody is checking, and a calm man is better than a nervous one with a beer.

Somewhere with several counters gives you things to point at and choose between. "What are you getting?" is an easier question than any interview topic. Share something small, or taste each other's food. It is playful, and it shows how she handles small decisions.

A short stop for dessert is a great second venue. It takes half an hour, it is relaxed, and it works as an easy extension if you are enjoying yourself. It also works as a stand-alone date for teens or anyone who wants something light.

Mini golf, an arcade or a bookstore with a café can all work. They give you something to do with your hands and a reason to tease each other. Keep it casual and short. The activity should be lighter than the conversation.

My list of bad formats is worth remembering.

• Movies and shows. You sit side by side in silence and learn nothing about her.
• Long sit-down dinners. You are stuck for hours before you know if you like her.
• Anything with a hard end time. You cannot extend a date that is going well.

Dinner on a first date can work later. Save it for the second or third.

For adults, a drink or a coffee walk works well and fits a packed week. Choose a place that is calm enough for real conversation.

For teens, keep it daytime, public and cheap. A coffee, a walk in a park or a snack at a food court is plenty. Tell a parent where you are going, and let the date end when the day does.

The rules do not change in Manhattan, Brooklyn, New Jersey or anywhere else. Choose the neighborhood first. Pick a walkable spot near where you live, with a second place nearby. In a big city there is usually a coffee shop, a bar and a dessert place within a few blocks, so you can plan loosely.

Food. Order something easy to eat and share. Avoid anything messy.

What to wear. Clean, well-fitting clothes one notch above the venue. You want to look like you made an effort without looking like you are going to a wedding.

Gifts. Skip them. A present on a first date can feel heavy.

Flowers. Not required. They can feel like too much too soon, and carrying them around a bar is awkward. A warm greeting is a better start. coach recommends a hug when you meet, because it begins the evening with a little closeness.

Name a day, a place and a time. "There is a quiet bar near me with good couches. Thursday at seven?" is specific and easy to answer. Once you are there, avoid interview mode. Tell a short story, give an opinion, tease her a little, and let her do the same.

You are not trying to impress her. You are finding out whether the two of you enjoy each other, and a simple, relaxed plan is the best way to find out.