Should Your Hinge Opening Message Be Short?

Yes. Keep your opening message to one or two sentences about one specific thing on her page. a dating coach's rule is that shorter is better when it says the same thing in fewer words. A long first message reads as effort aimed at a stranger, and it is hard for her to answer. A short one gives her an easy sentence to send back.

A woman who gets a paragraph from a man she has not met has to read it, judge it, and then write something as long in return. Most of them will not. A short message asks little of her, so answering costs her almost nothing.

Length also tells her something about you. A wall of text from a stranger looks needy, and for some women a little scary. Two plain sentences look like a man who has said what he came to say and is comfortable waiting for her reply.

On Hinge you like one photo or one prompt and can attach a comment. For many men that comment is the opening message, so the subject is already chosen for you.

a dating coach's method starts with her page. He scrolls for anything unusual that he can comment on and tease about, and he prefers a prompt to a photo because it feels more genuine and less superficial. Then he writes a short line that reacts to it.

The shape is two parts. First, the detail that is really hers. Second, a reaction that gives her something to push against: a guess, a mild disagreement, a small confession, a choice between two things.

If your draft is long, cut in this order.

Cut the greeting and the throat clearing. "Hey, hope your week is going well, I saw your profile and" tells her nothing. Start with the subject.

Cut the second idea. a dating coach keeps a text to one or two ideas at most, because more than that is hard to answer. A message that comments on her dog, her job and her trip asks her to pick one, and she will pick none.

Cut the résumé. Your job and your travels can wait until she asks. Cut the compliment on her looks, which she has read forty times this week.

These are shapes, not scripts. Swap in the real detail.

If her prompt says she is bad at parking: "I need the worst parking story. Does the dent still have a name?"

If her photo is on a hike: "That ridge looks like it is mostly rock and regret. Was the view worth it, or did you just want the picture?"

If her answer is a joke: "Fine, that one was good. Trade you the worst pun I know for the story behind it."

Each one is about her, takes a side, and ends on something she can answer in a sentence.

Hinge offers Convo Starters, which can show a few ideas near the message bar in a new chat. They are tips for getting going, not finished messages.

A starter you send unchanged will read like it came from the app, because it did. Use it as a push and rewrite it in your own words, shorter and with a detail from her page that no starter could know. If it fits in one line, send it. If not, throw it out and write your own.

Short does not mean thin. If she wrote a long, personal prompt answer about something she cares about, a slightly longer reply that shows you read the whole thing can work. The test is whether each sentence is about her or about something she can answer.

If she has already written to you at length, match her. A woman who sent three sentences can handle three back. The problem is a long message from a man who has not yet earned a long answer.

The opening message only has to earn a reply. The date is made in the next few exchanges. Answer quickly, give her one small thing about yourself in return, and avoid asking six questions in a row.

When the exchange has some life in it, name a day and a place. a dating coach moves a woman from the app to her number in about four to seven messages, and the number leads to a drink. A short opener starts that sequence, and a short plan finishes it.