Is the Bus a Good Place to Meet Women?

Sometimes. A bus puts you a few feet from women every day, and a short, friendly conversation on a ride is normal in most cities. It is a poor place for a long talk or anything that feels like hitting on her, because she cannot easily leave and the other passengers hear every word. Treat the bus as a place to start a conversation and maybe get a number, keep it light, and let her have her ride back the moment she signals she wants it.

A bus has two things going for it. You see a lot of people, often the same ones at the same time each day. And there are natural reasons to talk: a late bus, a missed stop, a driver who just took a corner like he was late for a race.

a dating coach describes a stretch when he lived in Boston and set himself a rule of three approaches on his way to and from the gym. Walking, waiting for the bus, riding it and walking back all counted, and if he got home short, he walked around until he had done his three. The bus was simply one more part of an ordinary day where women happened to be.

Some of the best bus conversations start before anyone boards. coach tells the story of a woman he met in the line for an intercity bus from Boston to New York. They had similar suitcases and commented on it, sat together, got on well, and swapped numbers when they arrived.

On a city bus she is stuck in her seat until her stop, and everyone around you is listening. That changes how she hears you. A line that would be charming on the sidewalk feels like pressure when she has nowhere to go.

Rides are short, too. On a city route you might have four stops, which is enough for a friendly exchange and not much more.

And plenty of women use the commute as private time: headphones in, eyes on a phone, or ten minutes of sleep against the window. Those are clear signs to leave her be.

Men often ask coach how to approach a woman on a bus or a subway when other people are watching. His answer is simple: "walk up and have a normal conversation. Don't walk up and hit on her." Once you are talking, you can compliment something she said or tease her a little. Because the start was ordinary, nobody nearby feels a need to step in, and she does not feel put on the spot.

That small delay, even fifteen or thirty seconds of normal talk before anything flirtatious, does a lot of work in a crowded space.

Walking the whole length of the bus to sit beside one woman while empty seats sit everywhere is visible effort, and everyone sees it. coach has a suggestion for a city bus where you can stand. Walk to the back as if you never noticed the empty seats, stop near her, and open with something light about how packed it is today. If you board and the seat next to her is free, "Is this seat taken?" followed by a comment once you sit down is a normal way in.

Whichever you do, speak as you arrive. Sitting in silence for five minutes and then turning to her looks planned. Talking as you get there looks like it just happened.

Find out early where she is getting off. If it is the next stop, you have half a minute, so be quick and friendly, and ask for her number if it is going well. If she is riding to the end of the line, relax and let the conversation grow.

A stop or two before hers, wrap it up: "This was fun. Give me your number and we'll get a drink sometime." Text her right away so she has yours.

Stay on your own route. Getting off at her stop to keep talking, when she did not ask you to, makes her wonder whether you are following her home, and nobody hands over a number for that.

The bus suits men who ride it anyway. If you commute the same route every day, you will see familiar faces, and a hello today can turn into a real conversation next week. It does not suit a man who rides buses around town looking for women. That is a slow way to have very few conversations.

The bus asks you to say one easy sentence in front of strangers and read her answer in two seconds. That is a skill, and it grows fastest with practice in places where approaching is normal.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp trains it in person in Miami and New York, in daygame settings like streets and cafes and night game settings like bars and lounges. A coach works with you on every approach and gives feedback after every set. Group is three consecutive days with three students to each coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. Each day is two four-hour blocks in the field, beginners are welcome, and you finish with a written practice plan.