Is Swiping on Dating Apps Bad for You?

Not in itself. Swiping becomes bad for you in two ways: when you swipe on nearly everyone, which hurts your results, and when you swipe for hours with no plan, which can wear you down. A short, deliberate session a few times a week is a fair way to meet women. It is the habit of swiping all day that causes trouble.

a dating coach says that swiping right on everyone fails on most apps now. He did it himself in the early days of Tinder, and it used to be a reasonable tactic.

His explanation is about what the app learns. An app that sees you like every woman can read you as unselective, and unselective can read as less attractive. If you are happy with any match, the app has no reason to show you better ones.

So a man who swipes right without thinking is teaching the app the wrong thing about him. The matches he does get are weaker than they need to be, and many of them lead nowhere.

Hours of swiping can leave a man tired and flat. Every card is a quick yes or no on a stranger, and every dead end is a small letdown. After enough of them, you can feel worse about yourself and about the women on the screen.

This is a feeling men describe, not a finding we can point to. It makes sense, though, because swiping gives you the sensation of progress while little has happened. A match is not a date, and a hundred swipes do not equal one conversation.

The apps are built to keep you looking. There is always one more card, and the next one might be better.

That is a good reason to set the limit before you open the app. Decide how long you will spend, and stop when it is up. A session that ends on your terms leaves you in a better mood than one that ends when you are bored or annoyed.

My own method is to swipe in a burst, work the matches, and wait until that batch is used up before swiping again. He says the app gives diminishing returns when you hit it every day for new matches.

Turn that into a simple routine.

1. Short sessions. Twenty or thirty minutes, a few times a week.
2. A real question before each right swipe. Would I send her a first message? If not, pass.
3. Write to your matches. A match you do not message is wasted. Answer within a day.
4. Stop when the batch runs out. Do not search for one more card out of habit.

Do not overdo the standards either. Cutting your pool with rigid rules before you have seen the woman shrinks your chances, so start with a wide pool and narrow it as you go.

Matches are the easiest number to inflate, so track the ones further down. How many right swipes became matches. How many matches answered your first message. How many answers became a plan.

The weakest number is where to work. Few matches means your photos or standards need attention. Quiet matches mean the first message. Replies that fade mean you wait too long to suggest a drink. Swiping is only the first step, and these numbers show whether the later steps work.

Step back if you notice any of these:

• You swipe to avoid something else you should be doing.
• You feel worse after each session than before it.
• You are liking women you would not message.
• You have matches you have not written to for a week.

A break does no harm. Take a week, and return with fresh photos and a plan. If you want something to fill the time, meet someone in person, or work on your photos and first messages.