Is OkCupid Good for Serious Relationships?

It can be, because the match questions bring out what each person wants, and a free account lets you reach women who like to talk. It does not sort for seriousness the way eHarmony says it does, so the sorting is on you. Say plainly what you want, answer the questions honestly, and the women who reply will mostly want the same thing.

OkCupid matches people on their stated preferences and on their answers to a long list of match questions. Each woman shows a Match percentage, and a mutual like opens a chat for free.

The questions ask about what you want and how you see things. A woman who answers them at length has spent time thinking about it, and that is a better starting point than a photo she liked in a second.

OkCupid does not describe itself, in anything we read, as a site for people who want a lasting relationship. eHarmony does, and it asks at sign-up whether a member wants something casual, serious or not sure.

So the crowd on OkCupid is mixed. Some women want a relationship, some want to see what happens and some want something lighter. The app gives you tools to tell them apart, but it does not do the sorting for you.

a dating coach's point about any dating site is that you attract what you describe. A page written like a man after something casual brings casual. A page that says you want a relationship brings women who want one.

So put one plain sentence in your profile about what you are looking for. Do not hide it in a joke, and do not apologize for it. "I am looking for someone to build a life with, and I am in no hurry to find her, but I am not here to pass the time" does the job in one line.

You can answer questions about what you want from a relationship, and the percentage is built from how your answers line up with hers. A high percentage means your answers and your wants fit.

Treat the number as one input. It measures agreement on the questions you both answered, and it cannot measure chemistry. Still, a woman at a high percentage who wrote at length about what she wants has shown you more than a woman who answered five questions.

Answer honestly, not strategically. If you answer the way you think women want, the percentage starts pairing you with women who suit a man you are not.

Before you like anyone, read her whole page. Look for a line about what she wants, and for answers that show she has thought about it.

A woman who writes about wanting a partner and a stable life is telling you something. A woman whose page is all travel photos and no written words has told you less, and you will have to ask.

Be selective with your likes. My warning on every app is that liking nearly everyone teaches the app to treat you as less attractive. Liking fewer women, picked with care, improves your results.

On a mixed site, the cheapest filter is a direct question, asked lightly. After a few messages, ask what she is hoping to find on the app, and say what you are.

A woman who wants the same thing will answer in a line. A woman who wants something else will say so, and you will have saved yourselves an evening. Then move to a plan, because a serious relationship starts with a first date, and chat does not replace one.

coach gets from a first message to a phone number in about four to seven messages and mentions meeting early, as a light suggestion.

You will find posts from years ago describing what the app was like then. Features and crowds change. Judge OkCupid by what you see this month, in your own city, with your own page.

The free version is enough to find out. A free account sets preferences, answers match questions, likes and chats. Paid tiers add extras, but paying multiplies what you already have, so test the free version first.

Use the app most days for two weeks with a clear photo of your face leading and your questions answered. Write to women whose pages caught your eye, with one specific detail from each.

Count four numbers: women you liked, mutual likes, chats that started and dates you set. Note how many of those women said they wanted something serious. If you get real conversations and a date or two with women who want what you want, OkCupid is working for you. If you get chats with women who want something else, tighten what your page says. If you get almost nothing, fix your photos and your answers first.