How to Introduce Yourself to a Woman You Like

Get her to look at you, tell her in one line why you came over, and say your name. Then ask her one real question so the introduction turns into a conversation. In practice it sounds like this: "Hey, excuse me. I saw you and wanted to say hi. I'm (your name). Who are you?" That takes about ten seconds, and the whole job of those ten seconds is to buy you a minute of her attention. It is the same approach in a coffee shop, a bookstore or at a party, and it works in person far better than it does in a text.

The introduction begins with where you stand and how you arrive.

Come from the front or the side, where she can see you, and stop a comfortable distance away. a dating coach's teaching is to leave enough room that she has time to take you in and does not feel crowded. Plant your feet when you stop. A man who is still drifting while he talks looks like he is about to leave.

Then use your voice. Say "Hey, excuse me" loud enough that she hears you coming, and wait until she looks at you before you go on. If you start your line before she has turned, she catches half of it and has no idea you are talking to her. a dating coach tells his students to be loud enough that a bystander occasionally glances over, because a quiet opener often goes unheard.

Why you came over. Say it plainly. "I saw you and wanted to say hi" is enough. You do not need a clever reason.

Your name. Give it simply. A name makes you a person instead of a random man, and it invites hers in return.

One question. a dating coach points out that "you look great" on its own is only half an introduction. She says thank you, and then neither of you knows what comes next. So give her something to answer: "So who are you?" or "What are you reading that has you that focused?"

Notice how these lines are open. "Are you a typical local, or as elegant as you look?" gives her something to react to. A flat statement closes the door.

For a girl you have never spoken to, keep it light and give her an easy way out of the time pressure:

"Hey, excuse me. I have to go in a minute, but I wanted to say hello before I did. I'm (your name)."

That small time limit makes it easy for her to stop for a moment, because she is not agreeing to a long conversation. a dating coach calls this a false time constraint, and it works because it lowers the cost of saying yes to ten seconds.

A girl who sees you often, in your class, at your gym or on your street, deserves a different line, because pretending you just noticed her will feel odd.

"I keep seeing you here and never said hi. I'm (your name)."

Or, if there is a shared detail: "You always get the same drink I do. I'm (your name), and I think we have good taste."

Do not act as if you have known her for years. Treat it as a first conversation that is overdue.

Look for signs she is free to talk. Headphones on, a phone call, walking very fast, or deep conversation with a friend all mean she is busy. Wait, or pick another moment. Walking up to a girl who is clearly occupied is not bold. It is inconsiderate.

If she answers with one word and looks away, say "nice to meet you, enjoy your day" and go. A friendly exit costs you nothing and leaves a good impression if you ever see her again.

Most men soften their opening because they are afraid. They say "um, sorry, hi" and then wait to be told it is okay. a dating coach describes this as one foot on the gas and one on the brake, and it reads as a man who does not really want to be there.

Believe that she would enjoy meeting you, deliver the line with a steady voice, and give her room to answer. You cannot control whether she is interested. You can control whether you introduced yourself well.

If the whole thing makes your stomach drop, build up to it. a dating coach's progression starts with making eye contact as you walk past people, then asking for directions, then thanking someone and giving your name. Each step is only a little more than the last, and by the time you say a full introduction you have already done most of it.

Start the ladder at the first rung, even if it is the introduction you are afraid of. Doing the easy steps first teaches your body that nothing bad happens when you speak to a stranger, and that is what makes the real thing possible.