How to Tell If She Is Interested in You Over Text

She is interested when she puts effort into the exchange: she answers with more than a word, asks you questions, starts conversations herself and brings up seeing you. One quick reply means little. A week of her doing her half, and ideally suggesting a plan, means a lot. If you are unsure, the surest test is to ask her to meet.

These are the ones worth trusting, because they cost her something.

She asks you questions back. A woman who is curious about you keeps the ball in the air. If every reply is a statement and you are the only one asking, she is being polite.

She writes about as much as you do. Her messages roughly match yours in length and energy. Short replies to your long ones is a bad sign, and long replies to your short ones is a good one.

She starts conversations. Does she text you first sometimes? Sending a picture, a joke, or a thought that reminded her of you means she was thinking about you without being asked.

She remembers what you said. If she follows up on your Thursday interview or your sister's visit, she was listening.

She teases you, plays along and uses humor. A woman who is enjoying the exchange often adds a little spark. That is different from being nice.

She brings up plans, or says yes to yours. This is the strongest sign. "We should get a drink sometime" from her, or a fast yes to a specific day, tells you more than a month of cute messages.

Several things look like interest and are not.

A fast reply can mean she is bored and has her phone in her hand. A slow reply can mean she is busy, not uninterested. Emojis, "haha" and "lol" are filler. They show politeness, not attraction.

A single warm message after a cold week is also not a trend. Look at what she does across several days. One hot message and three flat ones is a mixed answer, and the flat ones count.

A woman who texts a lot but never agrees to meet is often enjoying the attention without wanting a date. Chatting is easy. Putting on shoes and going out is a real answer.

a dating coach's texting rules are written to help you send better messages, but they also help you read hers. Keep your own texts short, with one or two ideas each. If she can match that easily, she will, when she is interested.

His other point is not to push forward from a negative moment. If her replies get cold or short, do not respond with a longer message trying to fix it. Get the exchange back to something light first, then move toward a plan. Her reaction to that is also information: a woman who is interested usually warms back up quickly.

Stop reading and start asking. Text is a poor place to judge attraction, because you miss her face, her laugh and her body language. My view is that the point of text is to get to a call or a date.

So suggest something concrete: "I am going to the new coffee place on Saturday, want to come?" Her answer will tell you more than twenty hours of analyzing her emojis.

If she says yes, you have your answer. If she says "maybe, let me see," it is worth suggesting one more time with a specific day. If she gives you a polite no without offering an alternative, treat that as a no and move on. A woman who wants to see you will usually offer another time herself.

A man who studies each message tends to talk himself into whatever he hopes is true. A few reminders:

• Replying in two hours is not a sign of disinterest. People have lives.
• A lack of questions can be shyness. Check whether she is warm in other ways.
• Her being sarcastic can be a sign of comfort. Her being flat is the one to watch.
• If she says she is busy once, that is life. If she is always busy and never suggests another day, that is her answer.

Over a week or so, count how many of these are true: she asks questions, she starts conversations, she writes back with real effort, she remembers details, she teases, and she brings up a plan. Four or more is a good sign. One or two means she is polite but not yet interested.

Then, whatever the score, ask her to meet. The scorecard tells you whether to try. Only her answer to a real invitation tells you the truth.