How to See When Someone Was Last Online on eHarmony

Look just below her photo. eHarmony shows the time a member was last on the site right there, and a small green dot next to her picture means she is online at this moment. eHarmony also removes members from your discover list once they have gone a couple of months without logging in. So the people you see there have been around fairly recently.

There are two things to look for, and both sit around her photo.

• Just below the photo: the time she was last on eHarmony.
• Next to the photo: a small green dot, which means she is online right now.

You do not need to open anything special to see either one. They are part of how eHarmony shows a member to you.

It tells you how active she is on the site. A woman who was on this morning is using eHarmony. A woman who was last on three weeks ago may have stepped back, met someone, or simply forgotten about her account.

What it does not tell you is how interested she is in you. She could log in every day and never read your message, or log in once a week and reply to you first. Activity and interest are different things, and the timestamp only measures the first.

It also helps to know how eHarmony treats inactive members. It takes members off your discover list if they have not logged in for a couple of months or more. That keeps your list from filling up with people who have long since left.

For you, it means two things. The women in your discover list are, on the whole, people who have used the site fairly recently. And a woman who is still there but was last on weeks ago is drifting toward the edge of it.

When you have more women to write to than time, the last-online time is a sensible way to put them in order.

Start with the women who have been on recently and who you are genuinely drawn to. A woman who was on today is likely to see your message while it is fresh, and a message that gets seen quickly has a better chance of turning into a conversation.

Do not write off everyone who has been away for a week. Plenty of people use dating sites in bursts. Just keep your expectations in line with how often she logs in, and do not read a slow reply from an occasional user as a sign of anything.

eHarmony lets members hide their Online right now status in their settings. Turning it off also stops them seeing who else is online, but some members choose to do it anyway.

So a missing green dot is not proof that she is offline. It can simply mean she prefers not to show it. Treat the dot as a nice extra when it is there, not as something to rely on.

This is where the feature does the most damage. You wrote to her yesterday, and now you can see the green dot beside her photo. She is right there. Why has she not replied?

Almost always, for ordinary reasons. She is replying to a friend, reading someone else's page, or checking the site for two minutes between meetings. Being online is not the same as having time for a proper answer.

Whatever you do, do not send "I can see you are online." It tells her you are watching, and nothing cools a woman's interest faster than feeling watched. If a few days pass with no reply, send one light, stand-alone follow-up, and then let it go.

The time a member was last on eHarmony appears below every member's photo, and that includes yours. Women deciding who to write back are reading the same line about you.

A man who logs in once every two weeks looks like he is barely using the site. A woman weighing up several conversations will put her energy into the ones that seem alive. You do not need to be on eHarmony all day. A few short visits a week, replying to whoever is waiting and writing to a couple of new women, keeps you looking like someone who is actually there.

Timestamps and green dots are useful for deciding who to write to. Past that, they mostly give you something to worry about.

Put the attention into the conversations themselves. Keep your messages short and easy to answer, bring up the idea of meeting early as a light suggestion, and ask for her number within a handful of messages. A woman you have a plan with is one whose online status you will not need to check.