How to Meet Women in a Small Town

You meet women in a small town two ways. You work the local social circles with more care than you would in a city, and you make regular trips to a bigger city nearby to meet people there. A student on one of our live calls asked what to do about women who live one to two hours away. Our coach gave the rule that sits behind both ways. The worse your logistics, the more buy-in you need from her before you ask for anything.

Our coaches put logistics ahead of lines: where you live compared to where the women are.

The example they use is two extremes. One man lives upstairs from a nightclub. Another lives on a farm thirty miles from the nearest house. The first has a far easier time getting a woman back to his place, and good game does not change that gap for the second man. Even our most experienced coach says he still loses women to bad logistics himself.

Good game can overcome a lot, and the coach says so. But he would take a man with decent game and good logistics over a man with excellent game and bad ones.

Before you talk about where to meet women, our coaches ask a basic question: if you met one tonight, where would you take her?

Many students have no answer. They meet a woman, get her number, and never invite her anywhere because they have not worked out what the invitation would be. The assignment is to write the plan down. Where you meet her, where you go first, where you go second and third, and what you do if the first place is closed or empty. Then add a backup.

In a small town the list is short, because there are not many places. That is fine. A plan built around the few places that actually exist beats a vague idea of "going out."

If you see the same people every week, the rules change. Our coaches cover this for schools, workplaces, sports teams and any crowd that repeats, and a small town is all of those at once.

First, do not reuse your lines. If two women compare notes and both heard the same joke from you, it is over. Treat every woman as an individual and say things you have never said before.

Second, do not become the man who only talks to women. If you chat with the women you like and ignore everyone else, people see your agenda. Talk to everybody, including the men. Be the generally friendly guy in the room.

Third, your standing counts. A man who helps events run well, helps someone who is lost, and is easy to like builds a reputation that covers him when he has one awkward moment. A man known as the lame one in the group gets no help from being in it. Plenty of normal, positive moments outweigh one strange one.

Our coaches say that even in a small town you can meet people locally, and that you can also go to a bigger city to meet women and get numbers there. The two work together.

Choose one city and keep going back. Meet people there, take numbers, and arrange to see them. Returning to the same few places lets them become familiar, and you can build on each trip.

If the woman lives in that city and you live out in the sticks, give yourself a reason to be there that has nothing to do with her. The coach's example on our live call was to say you will be in the city for an event that day and ask whether she is around afterward. That way it does not look like you drove one or two hours just to see her, and the meeting is easier on both of you.

When the distance is long, take longer before the first meeting. Our coach did not suggest slowing down the number. He suggested being clear that you want a phone call or a video call, so she gets to know you before anyone drives.

That call does the work of the extra miles. By the time you show up, she has heard your voice, laughed with you, and decided she wants to see you. Without it, a long trip often ends with one of you cancelling.

Our coaches are blunt that there are extreme cases. If your town has a population of five and you see the same four older neighbors every week, it will be hard to build any social life, and the answer may be to move. In most cases it is not that bad.

What they do advise is to treat location as a real factor the next time you choose where to live. One coach points out that a little more rent near the places where you meet women can cost less in the end. Count the rides home and the extra stops that dates require. Pick a place where you can meet women near your door and bring a date back without it being a production.

For now, pick the city, write the plan, and go.