How to Meet New Women After Work

Use the two or three hours between leaving work and getting home. Women are out at the gym, the grocery store, coffee shops, classes and bars with their colleagues, and most of them are in a better mood than they were at noon. Pick one or two of those places on your way home, go a few evenings a week, and approach when you see someone you like instead of heading straight for the couch.

Between about six and nine, people are done with their obligations and not yet settled in for the night. They are running errands, working out or meeting a friend for a drink. A weeknight crowd is also smaller than a Saturday crowd, so there is less noise and far less competition.

For a man with a full-time job, this window comes around five times a week. Most men spend it on the couch. Using two of those evenings is enough to change how often you meet someone new.

Look at your route home and list what is on it. The best after-work places have women who are relaxed and not rushing:

• A gym, where you can talk between sets, never in the middle of one.
• A grocery store, where asking her opinion on two options is a normal opener.
• A bookstore, or a coffee shop that stays busy into the evening.
• A bar near offices, with an after-work crowd before the late crowd arrives.
• A park or running path on a light summer evening.

a dating coach's habit list includes buying things in person instead of online, since "you're going to meet people along the way." An errand you were going to run anyway becomes a chance to talk to someone.

A weekly class puts you in a room with the same women again and again, and familiarity makes talking easy. Run clubs, dance classes, climbing gyms, cooking classes and language groups mostly meet after working hours. a dating coach's version is practical: if you run anyway, join a group training for the same race instead of running alone.

Choose something you would enjoy even if you met nobody. You will keep showing up, and you will be relaxed when you do talk to her.

When the team goes for a drink after work, go. a dating coach's line for those nights is simple: "I don't have a lot of time but I'll come by for one quick drink." Show up, say hello, and stay only if it is good.

Colleagues bring friends, and friends bring their friends. Those women are not your coworkers, and being introduced by someone they know makes the conversation easier from the first minute. Keep your behavior with your own team professional, though. The point of the evening is the wider group, and your boss may be at the next table.

After work she may be tired or on a schedule, so reading her matters. A woman walking fast with headphones in wants to get home. A woman browsing, waiting for a friend or lingering over a drink has time.

Keep the opener short and about what is in front of you: "Is that one any good? I'm trying to pick between them." If she answers with interest, ask a question or two and share something about your own day. If it goes well, ask for her number and suggest a specific evening later in the week, since tonight she may be heading home to change.

Two or three evenings a week of thirty to sixty minutes beat one long Saturday. Short, frequent outings keep the nerves down, because no single one carries much weight. Pick your two places, decide in advance how many women you will talk to, and go home when you have done it, whether or not anything came of it.

After a month of that, walking up to a woman on the way home stops feeling like an event. It becomes part of the commute.

If walking up to a woman after work still feels like a big deal, a coach shortens the learning a great deal. A Cold Approach Bootcamp trains it in person in Miami and New York, by day and at night, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. Every training day is two four-hour blocks in the field. Approach anxiety is the specialty, a total beginner is welcome, and you leave with a written practice plan to follow when you go out on your own.