How to Meet Women Without Going to Bars

Meet women where they already spend their days: coffee shops, bookstores, grocery stores, parks, markets, museums, classes and the sidewalk on the way to anywhere. Say a short hello, mention what caught your eye or what is going on around you, talk for a few minutes and ask for her number before she has to go. Meeting a girl outside of bars takes the same skill as meeting one inside them, minus the noise, the drinks and the late night.

A lot of men assume bars are the only place where it is normal to talk to strangers. In practice, daytime has real advantages. She is sober and so are you. You can hear each other without leaning into her ear. And far fewer men try, so a calm, friendly hello in a bookstore stands out in a way it never does on a Saturday night.

The tradeoff is time. During the day she is usually on her way somewhere, with errands, work or friends waiting. Conversations are shorter, so you have to be quicker to show interest and quicker to ask for a way to see her again.

You do not need special venues. You need places where women spend time and where a few minutes of conversation fits naturally:

• Coffee shops. The line and the pickup counter are better than the laptop tables, where people are working.
• Bookstores. The section she is browsing hands you an opener.
• Grocery stores and markets. Weekend farmers markets in particular are relaxed and full of people with time to talk.
• Parks and dog parks. A dog is the easiest conversation starter there is.
• Museums and galleries. Ask her what she thinks of the piece in front of you both.
• Classes and clubs. Cooking, dance, language classes, run clubs and sports leagues let you meet the same women week after week.
• The street. A woman walking at an easy pace, window shopping or waiting at a crosswalk can be approached with a direct, polite hello.

A daytime approach needs one thing a bar approach does not: a reason for her to stop. Get her attention politely, from the front or the side, never by tapping her on the back. Then say why you came over.

Two kinds of openers work. A direct one: "Hi, sorry to stop you. I saw you walk past and I would have regretted not saying hello. I'm Chris." Or a situational one that grows out of where you are: "You look like you know this market. What's actually worth buying here?"

After the opener, give her something about you and ask one easy question. Then watch her. If she turns toward you, smiles and answers with more than a word, keep going. If she keeps walking, keeps her earbuds in or gives a polite one-word reply, wish her a good day and let her go.

Approaching strangers is the fastest route, but it is not the only one. A man whose week includes a class, a team, a few friends' gatherings and a couple of regular cafes meets women naturally. He sees the same faces, conversations start on their own, and invitations come to him.

Pick one or two activities you would enjoy anyway, ideally ones with a good mix of men and women. A dance class, a pottery studio, a volunteer group or a coed sports league does more for your social life than a fifth night at the same bar.

Some daytime moments are wrong for an approach:

• She is at work and cannot leave the conversation, like a cashier with a line behind you.
• She is mid-workout at the gym, wearing headphones and counting reps.
• She is on the phone, rushing to catch a train or clearly upset.
• She has already looked away and moved on.

Never follow a woman to approach her, and never block her path. A daytime hello should be easy for her to walk away from.

Because daytime conversations are short, do not wait for the perfect moment. After three to five good minutes, say something like "I have to get going, but I want to see you again. Type in your number and I'll text you." Suggest something specific, like a coffee on Thursday, so the number turns into a plan instead of sitting in your phone.

Stopping a stranger on a street is a different skill from opening a group at a bar, and it gets easier with a coach watching. A Cold Approach Bootcamp is fully in the field in Miami and New York, with daygame on streets and in cafes and night game after dark, mixed to suit you. If bars are not your thing, tell your coach and the days can lean toward daytime.

Each training day is two four-hour blocks, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. Group runs three consecutive days at a 3:1 student-to-coach ratio, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. You leave with a written practice plan.