How to Make Your Girlfriend Happy

A girlfriend stays happy when she feels chosen, safe and entertained. Chosen means you show her, in words and plans, that you picked her. Safe means you keep your word and stay steady when things get hard. Entertained means you are still fun to be around, and you have not turned into a roommate. Seven small habits cover almost all of it, and none of them costs much money.

If you say you will call at eight, call at eight. If you say you will fix the shelf, fix it. coach calls a relationship a contract: an agreement about what you are to each other and how you behave. Each time you keep it, trust grows, and trust is what makes everything else you do count for something.

The reverse is also true. A man who is charming but unreliable ends up with a girlfriend who is always a little tense around him.

My warning about complacency applies to everyone. You were on time, dressed well, flirted and made plans. Two months in, you are on the couch with takeaway, and the flirting has turned into talk about errands. He compares it to false advertising: you sold one man and delivered another.

Keep the basics going. Dress like you want to be seen. Train. Keep your goals. Plan one proper date a week where you chose the place. Make the relationship slightly better each week, which is a more useful target than "keep her happy."

For words that make her happy, be specific. "You're beautiful" is nice. "You looked amazing in that green dress, I kept looking at you across the room" is a thing she remembers.

Say what you value about her character too. "I love how you handled that with your sister. You were patient and you didn't take the bait." Specific compliments show you were paying attention, which is what she wants most.

Teasing, a hand on her waist in the kitchen, a text that says "I'm still thinking about last night." coach notes that couples slide into plain friendly conversation because they assume she already likes them. Flirting keeps the attraction alive, and attraction is a large part of why she is with you.

Make her laugh on purpose. Send a ridiculous photo in the middle of the day, or do an impression of her boss. Laughter is the easiest way to change her mood.

A short, warm text in the morning, such as "Good morning, I hope today is easy on you," takes ten seconds. At night, ask one real question about her day and listen to the answer. On a phone call, put the other screens away.

These small bookends tell her she is in your head even when you are busy. They also cost nothing, which is why they can be done every day.

Learn two or three things that reliably cheer her up and do them without being asked. A favorite coffee on the way over. Her favorite film on a bad night. Her sister's birthday in your calendar.

The point is to notice, and the way to know what she likes is to ask. People differ in what makes them feel loved: some like words, some like time, some like help. Ask her, "What's one thing I do that makes you feel really cared for?" and then do more of it.

This one surprises men. coach says you need a life outside her. If you are wrapped up in your girlfriend and have nothing of your own, you lose what made you interesting, and she can start to feel responsible for your happiness. Keep your friends, your training and your ambitions. A man who is happy on his own is easier to be with.

• Do not try to buy her mood. Gifts are nice, but they do not replace attention.
• Do not guess when you could ask.
• Do not make her the manager of your emotions.
• Do not stop making effort once you are comfortable. That is the usual way relationships get dull.

If you want to make her happy again after a rough stretch, start with a calm conversation. "I think I've been distant, and I want to fix that. What would make the biggest difference for you right now?" Then do that one thing for two weeks before you ask how it is going.

You cannot make anyone happy permanently. You can be reliable, fun and attentive, and that gives her the best chance of being happy with you.