How to Approach Women at a Wedding or Social Gathering

A wedding or party is easier than the street, because everyone already has a reason to talk to strangers. Start with the thing you share, like the couple, the host or the food. Meet people in small groups, stay relaxed, and ask for a number only when she has clearly enjoyed talking to you. Never let your own good night come at the cost of the event itself.

A gathering takes care of the hardest part of an approach: the reason to speak. At a wedding, "How do you know the bride?" is a normal opening, and everyone has an answer.

People are also relaxed. They are dressed up, in a good mood, and expecting to meet new people. The social permission is built in.

Some things are harder. Everyone is watched, because the guests know each other. A bad move spreads quickly, and you may have to see the same people for the rest of the evening. So the approach is gentler than a street approach, not bolder.

Your first line is almost free. Use whatever connects you.

• "How do you know the couple?"
• "I do not think we have met. I am Marco, I know the groom from college."
• "Have you tried the food yet? I cannot decide if it is good or I am just hungry."

Then ask a follow-up question and share something about yourself. This is a normal, friendly conversation and does not need to be clever.

Most guests stand in clusters. a dating coach's advice on groups is to engage everyone relevant, because friends who feel ignored will pull her away. Say hello to the group, learn a couple of names, and include everyone for the first minute.

Then let the conversation find its shape. If you are talking with a woman you like, you can slowly narrow your attention to her, while staying friendly with the rest.

Do not corner anyone, and do not follow a woman from table to table. Moving through the room and talking to many people makes you the interesting guest. The couple will also be glad that someone is making their guests feel welcome. Hovering around one woman makes you the awkward one.

Some people at a wedding are busy or off limits.

• A bridesmaid carrying out her duties is working. Talk later.
• A woman with a date, or deep in a family conversation, is not available.
• Someone clearly upset or tired should be left alone.

Pay attention to energy as well. If she is engaged and laughing, stay. If she keeps looking around, let her go. The location does not change the signs she is giving.

Drinking at a party is normal, and drinking too much is the quickest way to ruin your evening. It dulls your read of the room, loosens your boundaries and gets back to the couple.

Stay clear-headed. A man who is steady, polite and good company gets remembered. Eat something, drink water between drinks, and leave the open bar for the people who are not trying to make a good impression. A man who is loud and pushy gets talked about, and not for the reason he wanted.

Keep your attention on enjoying the occasion, not on collecting numbers. People can tell the difference.

When the conversation has gone well, ask quietly and plainly.

"I am enjoying talking to you. Can I get your number so we can continue this outside the party?" Ask when she is relaxed and the moment feels open, not when she is surrounded by people.

If she says yes, give her a minute, and keep chatting for a bit. If she says she would rather not, say "No problem, it was nice meeting you," and go back to the party. Do not sulk, and do not tell her friends about it.

A short, friendly message within a day or two keeps the warmth. Mention something specific from your conversation, and suggest a simple plan with a day attached. If you do not hear back, let it go. You enjoyed a good evening and were gracious.

A wedding is not the place to try this for the first time. The words are simple, but nerves can take over when you are in a suit with a hundred people watching.

At a Cold Approach Bootcamp in Miami and New York, you practice the first thirty seconds, keeping the conversation going, and approaching women alone and with friends around, in the field with a coach beside you. You learn the same skills in a lower-pressure setting before you need them at someone's wedding.