How to Approach a Woman Who Is Walking Fast

Often the best answer is not to approach her yet. A woman walking fast is going somewhere, and she has no spare attention for a stranger. Wait until she slows down or stops, or pick another woman who has time. If you do try, say one short, honest sentence, accept the answer and do not chase.

That sounds like giving up, but it is how experienced men save their energy for the approaches that can go somewhere.

a dating coach says it plainly: if a woman is in a hurry, a good interaction is harder than if she has all the time in the world. He also points out that approaching a woman who is sitting or standing still is more favorable than approaching one who is walking.

None of that means a fast walker is impossible. It means the odds are lower, and you should know that before you walk up, so a short brush-off does not feel like proof that something is wrong with you.

Speed has different causes, and they call for different decisions.

• She is late or heading to a fixed place. A commuter between a train and an office has a clock running. Leave her alone.
• She walks fast out of habit. Some people just move quickly. She may be perfectly relaxed.
• She is exercising. A woman in the middle of a run or a power walk is not available for conversation.
• She has headphones in and her eyes on her phone. She has signaled that she is somewhere else.

If you cannot tell, her face and her path usually help. A woman checking the time and cutting through a crowd is not a good candidate. A woman strolling at a quick but easy pace with her head up may be.

You often do not have to approach on the move. Women who walk fast also stop. They wait at a crossing, stand at a shop door, queue for a coffee or look at their phone for a map. Each of those is a pause, and a pause changes the odds.

a dating coach's advice is to choose the more likely approach when you have a choice. If you are in a cafe with two attractive women, and one is sitting alone while the other is in a big group, go to the one who is alone. The same logic applies on the street: wait for the woman who stops.

When you decide to go for it, the aim is to fit inside her pace, not to stop her life.

1. Come from the front, slightly to the side. She sees you early, so you do not startle her from behind.
2. Slow your own pace as you reach her. A slight change in speed tells her you want a moment, without blocking her path.
3. Say it in one breath. For example: "Hey, I know you are on your way somewhere, but you caught my eye and I wanted to say hi." Honest, direct and quick.
4. Match her pace for a few steps if she keeps moving. Walk a short way beside her while you finish the sentence. Do not jog.

If she stops, you now have a normal conversation, and the usual rules apply.

If she keeps walking, say something like "No worries, have a good one" and let her go. Do not chase her down the block and do not keep talking at her back.

A clean exit counts as a good approach. You walked over, said the thing and handled the answer calmly. a dating coach's standard for a good approach is to "physically walk up to a girl and utter a sound." If you did that, you did the job, whatever she did next.

• Stepping in front of her. Blocking her path feels like a trap. Stand beside or just ahead.
• Running after her. A man hurrying behind a woman looks worse than a man who lets her go.
• Asking a long question. She has no time for a story. Keep it to a sentence.
• Taking it personally. A woman late for a train is not rejecting you. She is late for a train.

The hard part of this approach is the judgment: when to go, when to wait and how to keep your tone relaxed while you are out of breath from nerves. That is difficult to learn alone, because you cannot see how you look to her.

On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, your coach is beside you for each approach and talks it through after every set. Every training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, in Miami or New York, in Group at a 3:1 ratio or fully one-on-one in Private.