How to Approach a Woman at a Bookstore in the Morning

To approach a woman at a bookstore in the morning, keep your voice low and open with a comment on the book she is holding or the section she is in. If the talk goes well, offer her a coffee in the store's cafe. The morning crowd is small, so everyone can hear you. But the women browsing at that hour usually have time on their hands, which makes a slow, friendly conversation easier than at almost any other time of day.

By mid-morning the commuters are at their desks. A woman in a bookstore before lunch on a weekday has chosen to be there. She might have the day off, be a student between classes, work from home, or be filling an hour before an appointment.

Whatever the reason, she is not racing. That matters more than anything else about the morning. a dating coach says bookstores can be hit or miss for how many women you find. But the women who are there are committed to the place: they came to browse and plan to stay a while.

On a weekend the morning crowd is bigger and more relaxed. Couples and families show up too, so look for the woman browsing on her own.

In the evening a bookstore has some background noise. In the morning it can be close to silent, and every word you say carries.

My rule for quiet places is about calibration. His example is a woman studying in a quiet library, where an over-the-top approach that makes everybody stare is a terrible way to start. The same goes for a nearly empty bookstore. Speak at the volume of the room. Smile before you speak. Leave her plenty of space.

Come from the end of the aisle, where she sees you approach, rather than appearing beside her shoulder. Do not reach across her for a book as an excuse. Just talk to her.

The book in her hand is the easiest opener in the building. Ask why she picked it, or make a playful guess. "You're holding that like you've already decided to buy it and you're just pretending to read the back." A guess gives her something to correct, and correcting you is fun.

You can also be direct, calmly. In a role-play in My mentorship Q&A, a student set the scene at a Barnes and Noble. He opened by saying he thought she was cute and wanted to get to know her a little, then asked what she was browsing. The opener was fine. Afterward, the student rated his conversation a six, because he kept asking question after question instead of reacting and teasing.

So mix it up. Ask one question, then react. Make a guess about her taste, give a little opinion of your own, tease her gently about her choice. A string of questions turns into an interview, and an interview in a silent bookstore feels long.

Many large bookstores have a cafe inside, and in the morning it is half empty. Women sit there with a coffee and a stack of books, in no hurry at all.

coach calls seated sets in the daytime "like mana from heaven." She is not going anywhere, she has nothing pressing to do, and you can talk at an easy pace. If you meet her in the aisles and the conversation is good, the cafe also gives you an easy next step. "I was about to grab a coffee downstairs. Come join me for ten minutes." In the morning, before her day has filled up, she is more likely to say yes than she would be at six in the evening.

A coffee right then is better than a number. It turns a chat into a short date.

Look before you plan your next step.

She has time if she is browsing slowly, sitting with several books, or holding a coffee she just bought. Take the slow route: chat, tease, then invite her to the cafe.

She is short on time if she is walking toward the register with one book, checking her phone, or wearing a bag that says she is heading to work. Keep it to a minute, be clear that you liked talking to her, and get her number before she reaches the door.

Approaching in a quiet store, with no music to hide in, is where a lot of men stall. The Cold Approach Bootcamp is in-person coaching in the field, built around that hesitation. You do live approaches during the day in places like streets and cafes and at night in places like bars and lounges, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set.

It runs in Miami and New York, as a three-day Group with three students per coach, or a Private, fully 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. A training day is made of two four-hour blocks. Nobody is too new for it, because there is no skill floor, and you go home with a short written practice plan.