How Much Contact Is Right in Early Dating?

In the first weeks, keep your contact at about her level: short texts between dates, a call when it helps you plan, and a date every week or so. Most trouble comes from being much hotter or much colder than she is. If she answers fast and asks you questions, you can do more. If she is slow, do less, and invite her out instead of texting more.

A simple idea covers all of this: keep a balance of interest, and think of it as temperature. If your interest runs far too hot, there will come a day when she pulls back for her own reasons, and your energy overwhelms her. If you run too cold, she stops responding because she thinks you do not care.

So before you text, check the temperature. When she is making it hot, you can give her heat. When she is giving cold, cool it down. Staying mindful of this rarely goes wrong, which is why a fixed schedule that ignores what she is doing is a poor guide.

The gap between asking her out and the date is where many men over-text. Keep contact in short bursts. Say you ask her on Monday for Friday. On Wednesday, send a light line such as "Hope your day is going well," with no question and no demand. She answers, she feels good, and you have shown that you remembered her without starting a long conversation.

On the day, a short note to confirm time and place is enough. If she tells you she is busy that week but still seems interested, check in again after four or five days and ask again. This keeps her warm without chasing.

Send a brief text that evening or the next morning that says something true about the night. "That was fun. I want a rematch at the pool table, you choose the night." Then plan the next date within a few days, if you want one.

Between dates, a text every day or two is fine when she keeps up her end. Daily is not a requirement, and a quiet day is not a warning sign. What counts is that each date is real, and each text is easy to answer.

a dating coach teaches that the point of texting a woman is to get her to a call or a date, not to build a friendship through a screen. So use a call when you need to plan something, when a conversation is getting long in text, or when she has had a big day. A short call tells you far more about how she feels than twenty texts. It does not have to be long, and you do not need to schedule it as an event.

Take about the same time she takes. If she replies quickly, you can too. If she is a slow replier, you answer a little more slowly, without matching her to the minute. Do not be robotic. The idea is to stay at the same level of investment, which is also a form of respect. If she is slow with you every time, that might be a sign of low interest, but one slow day proves nothing.

Smothering looks like a block of your texts with nothing from her in between. You answer within seconds each time. Your daily check-ins ask for reassurance. You want to see her every night in the first two weeks. When you give too much, her interest often slides down slowly, because she sees you as less of a prize than she first thought.

Vanishing looks like a warm date followed by days of silence, one-word answers, and plans you never confirm. Too little affection can also push a woman to pull back, because her ego will not let her keep giving to someone who seems uninterested.

Both are failures to read her. The remedy is the same: look at what she is giving and calibrate.

Say it plainly and warmly. If she wants more contact than you have energy for, "I like talking to you, and I'm slammed this week. Can we lock in Saturday?" is honest and kind. If you want more than she gives, do not reproach her. Ask for a date, see how she answers, and decide from her actions.

If the contact has gone on for weeks and you still have not met, the amount of contact is no longer the problem. Make a specific invitation, and if she keeps stalling, put your attention elsewhere.