How Many Daygame Approaches Does It Take to Get a Date?

Nobody can give you an honest fixed number. The count depends on what you call an approach, where you stand, what time it is, and what you do after she says hello. A man who is good at the whole chain needs far fewer approaches than a man who is good at only the first step.

So the useful answer is a method. Count your own approaches, count what each one turns into, and find the step where the dates are leaking out.

Two men can both say they did fifty approaches and mean very different things. One counted every hello to a stranger. The other counted only the conversations that lasted five minutes.

A few things move the number more than anything else:

• Where you are. A woman sitting in a park to enjoy the day is easier to talk to than a woman rushing to a train.
• How you open. A relaxed hello gets a different reply than an interruption.
• How long you stay. A thirty-second chat has less to turn into a date than a ten-minute one.
• What you do at the end. Asking for her number is a different skill from starting a conversation.

When someone online says it takes forty approaches or ten, ask what they counted. The figure is almost always one man's own tally, not a measurement of anything.

Think of an approach as the top of a funnel. Four things have to happen in order, and a man can be strong at one and weak at the next.

1. She stops and talks. This is the opener and your first thirty seconds.
2. The conversation gets somewhere. She laughs, asks you something back, stays.
3. You get a number or an Instagram. A clean, easy ask.
4. The number turns into a date. The texting and the plan.

a dating coach's senior coach one student describes the gap between the third and fourth steps as one of the hardest things in game. A man starts getting numbers and then watches them flake. His explanation is that the difference between a phone number and a solid phone number is the interaction. If she liked it and wants to see you again, the texting is easy.

Keep a simple tally for two weeks. For each outing write down the approaches, how many became real conversations, how many gave you a number, and how many turned into a date.

Then look at where the biggest drop is.

• Many approaches, few conversations. The opening is the problem. Work on your first thirty seconds and where you stand.
• Many conversations, few numbers. You are chatting but never asking. Work on making the ask part of the talk.
• Many numbers, few dates. The number was weak, or the follow-up is. Work on the interaction and on setting a plan.

Fixing the worst step helps more than adding fifty more approaches at the same weak spot.

Pick a number you can repeat. Doing a lot in one day and then none for two weeks teaches you less than a modest number you do often.

For a man who has never done it, a few approaches in an outing is a real day. Get comfortable at that level, then raise it. One man in the a dating program community said he went to twenty to seventy a day for about three months and came out able to open anyone anywhere. Take that as one man's account and not a target. You do not have to do that to get dates.

A good rule is to set the number before you leave the house, so you are not negotiating with yourself in front of a woman you wanted to talk to.

a dating coach says it simply: "Most guys lose the girl not because they did something wrong. They hesitated."

That is why a count helps early on. When the goal is a number of approaches, the question stops being whether this one is good enough and becomes whether you did your rep. A clumsy approach still counts and still teaches you something. A walk-past teaches you nothing.

You cannot easily see your own leak. You know what happened in your head, but not what she saw.

At a Cold Approach Bootcamp your coach watches each approach live, then gives you feedback after every set. In an outing that usually shows you which step of the four is costing you, and a written practice plan at the end tells you what to work on. Both formats run in Miami and New York: Group at three students to a coach over three days, and Private one-on-one for one, two or three days.

Does a higher count always mean more dates?

Only if you are improving the weak step. Fifty approaches with the same flaw produce the same result fifty times.

Do I need a date from every approach?

No. Most approaches end in a pleasant chat and nothing else, and that is normal. The aim is the ratio over time, not each one.

Where should I start?

Pick a daytime place that suits you, set a small number, and begin.