How Long Should You Talk on a Dating App Before Meeting?

Talk for a few days, and a week at most, then meet. There is no exact number, but the longer you message without a plan, the less likely the meeting is to happen. Most men who chat for weeks with a match are not getting to know her. They are waiting, and she is losing interest. When she answers with real content and asks you something back, ask her out, even if it is only your fourth or fifth message.

A chat window shows her a few lines and leaves her to guess the rest. In person she hears your voice, sees how you move and learns whether you are fun to be around. That tells her far more than a week of messages can.

Time also works against you. Interest on a dating app is high on the day she matches with you and drops after that. She is talking to other men, and one of them will ask her out. A conversation that runs for two weeks with no plan stops feeling new and starts feeling like a habit.

A long chat can also build expectations a real person cannot meet. By the time you meet, she has pictured a man from your messages, and you are now being compared to that.

For most conversations that go well, it is somewhere between two or three days and a week. During that time you want a few real exchanges and then an invitation.

If she is replying with more than a word, asking you questions and mentioning her own plans, you can ask on the first or second day. If she is slow and brief, a longer window will not help. Ask anyway, and see what she says.

Distance and safety can stretch it. If she lives far away, or wants to feel comfortable first, a longer chat is reasonable. In that case move to a short call, and put a day on the calendar.

You do not need a day count. Look for these:

• She answers with more than you asked for.
• She asks you something about yourself.
• She brings up her own plans or free time.
• The conversation is easy, and the next few messages would be about the same things again.

Any one of these is enough. If you wait for all of them, you may wait too long.

Use the chat to learn the few things you need, and stop there.

Look at her photos and what she wrote, and ask about one specific thing. a dating coach suggests checking all her photos, not only the best one, because a woman usually looks more like her least flattering photo than her most flattering. If anything seems off, a short phone or video call settles it. He says he can tell a lot from how a woman handles a call, and it filters out people who would be a poor evening.

Tell a friend where you are going, and pick a public place. Keep the first meeting simple and close to you, so a mismatch costs you an hour and not an evening.

Give her a place, a day and an easy way out.

"There's a coffee place near me with a good patio. Thursday or Saturday?"

Make it specific, short and low pressure. Do not ask "do you want to meet sometime?" because that leaves her to do the planning and gives her an easy way to say maybe.

Keep the first date short, about an hour or less. A short plan is easier to agree to, and if it goes well you can always stay longer.

Some women like to talk for a while before they meet, and that is fair. You do not have to rush her, but you can keep the conversation moving.

Say what you want plainly: "I'm enjoying this. I'd rather talk in person. Want to get a drink this week?" If she says she is not ready, ask her what would help. A call might. A public place and a short first meeting might.

If she is happy to chat but never wants to meet, you have your answer after a couple of tries. She enjoys the attention and does not want a date. Stop investing and move on to someone who does.

If you have been talking for two weeks and have no date, do not wait for a better moment. There is not one coming. Ask now, directly, with a day and a place.

If she says yes, good. If she is vague, offer one more option. If she still does not commit, step back. You have not wasted much, since the real cost of a long chat is the time you spend on it, and you have kept that to a minimum.

Messages are there to get you into the same room. Use as few as you need. A man who meets women quickly gets more information, more dates and more chances than a man who waits for the perfect moment to ask.