How Long After You Start Dating Someone Should You Delete Dating Apps?

There is no waiting period. Delete the apps when you and she have agreed that you are seeing only each other, and not before. If you have been on a few dates and nothing has been said, you are two people finding out whether you like each other, and neither of you owes the other an empty phone yet. If you are unsure, pause the apps instead of deleting them.

Some men count to the third date. Others wait for a month. Neither number means anything to her. What matters is whether the two of you have said, in words, that you are exclusive.

That conversation usually does not happen on a schedule. a dating coach's view is that relationships move gradually to the right level for the two people in them. Most of the time, he says, you should simply behave the way you want the relationship to be. He does not recommend opening a negotiation about a status she has not raised. If she brings it up, you talk then.

Early on, using the apps is not a betrayal. Neither of you has promised anything. It is still worth being straightforward about where you stand.

If she asks whether you are still on them, tell the truth. a dating coach is clear on this point: do not lie. A man who says he has deleted the apps when he has not, and is found out, has turned a normal situation into a breach of trust.

It is equally fair to notice what you actually feel. If you have stopped opening the apps because you would rather spend the evening with her, that is the answer already.

A fair test for yourself is how you would feel in her place. If she were seeing three men and answering new messages every evening, would you call it exclusive? If not, your own behavior has not caught up with what you may be telling her. Nobody has to confess everything, but you should not let her believe something you are not doing.

Men tend to obsess over this or ignore it. You cannot read her phone and should not try. If it matters to you, ask her plainly, once, at a calm moment, and be ready to answer the same question yourself.

a dating coach's general approach to the status of a relationship is not to build a negotiation around it. Act the way you want things to be, and when something bothers either of you, say so then. A short, honest talk beats a week of guessing at what a notification meant.

Deleting is hard to undo. On Hinge, deleting your account removes your data, including every conversation. Your matches vanish, and you come back to nothing if you sign up again. A pause is gentler. Hinge's pause stops you being shown to new people while your account, matches and chats stay as they were. Bumble's Snooze Mode stops new matches while you keep the conversations you have.

Pause when it is still early and you want to see where this goes. Delete when you know.

• You have both said you are exclusive, in so many words.
• You have not opened the apps for a couple of weeks and do not miss them.
• You would feel hurt if she were still on hers.
• You are no longer interested in meeting anyone else.

The last two matter most. If you are keeping the apps as a back-up in case she goes cold, that tells you something about how you feel, and it is more honest to admit it than to keep both going.

You do not need a speech. When you have both agreed, one sentence is enough: "I took the apps down this week. I would rather spend the time on this." Say it plainly and without making it a favor.

If she brings it up first, answer simply and match what you have actually done. If you have not deleted them yet, say you will do it that evening, and do it.

If you have other conversations going that you no longer want, close them kindly. Tell a woman you were chatting with that you have started seeing someone. A short, polite line is better than vanishing.

If you are leaving a match you liked, think about whether you want a way to reach her later. Deleting takes the chat with it, so anything you want to keep needs to move elsewhere first. Most men do not need that, but it is worth thirty seconds of thought before it becomes permanent.