How Does Incognito Mode Work on OkCupid?

Incognito is a separate paid subscription on OkCupid. It hides you from everyone except the people you have Liked or messaged and removes ads, but it does not include the Basic or Premium features. You can turn it on or off at any point while you are subscribed, and two members who are both Incognito will never see each other.

With Incognito switched on, the only people who can see you are the ones you have reached out to. If you Liked a woman, she can see you. If you messaged her, she can see you. Everyone else on OkCupid can't.

That makes you invisible to casual browsing. A woman flicking through the app won't come across you unless you have already shown interest in her first.

There is one catch worth knowing. Two members who both have Incognito on will never see each other. If a woman you would like is also hiding, neither of you will ever find the other on the app.

Incognito is a privacy subscription, not an upgrade package. OkCupid is clear that it does not include the Basic or Premium features.

So if you were hoping for the Premium features, like unlimited Likes or seeing everyone who Likes you, Incognito won't give you those. It hides you and removes ads. That is the whole offer.

Decide what you are actually paying for. If you want more reach and more control, that is Premium. If you want fewer people to see you, that is Incognito.

You don't have to stay hidden for the whole subscription. OkCupid lets you turn Incognito on or off whenever you like while you are subscribed.

That flexibility is the most useful part. You can stay visible most of the time and switch to hidden only when there is a reason, like a coworker who has just joined the app, or a stretch when you want to look around quietly. When the reason passes, switch it back off and let women find you again.

Some men have a real case for hiding. A man whose clients or employees use the same app may not want them scrolling past him. A man in a small town, where half the women on the app know his sister, might prefer to choose who sees him. So might a man with a public-facing job, or one who has just come out of a long relationship and isn't ready for everyone to know he is single again.

Those are fair reasons. Incognito lets you date without announcing it to everyone you know.

Hiding has a price that many men don't think about until their inbox goes quiet.

On a normal account, a good part of your interest arrives without effort. Women come across you, Like you, and write to you while you are at work or asleep. a dating coach calls attention the primary resource of online dating, and a visible account collects it around the clock.

Incognito turns that off. No woman can discover you on her own anymore, so every single connection has to start with you. The women who would have Liked you first, often the easiest and warmest conversations you get, never see you at all.

For a man who wants plenty of dates, that is a big trade. Make it only if the privacy is worth more to you than the passive interest you give up.

When you are hidden, your own outreach is the whole game, so treat each Like and each message as if it has to earn its place.

Be selective. coach has coached plenty of men who showed interest in nearly everyone and got worse results for it. When they got choosier, they sent far fewer Likes and did far better. Choose women whose pages give you something real to say.

Write strong first messages. Keep them short, react to one specific thing she wrote, and give her an easy way to answer. Women online ignore far more men than they answer, so a generic line wastes one of the few chances you are giving yourself.

Then move it forward. My approach is to get from first message to her number in four to seven messages, bringing up a drink early as a light suggestion. Hidden or not, the aim is the same: get off the app and onto a date.

My view on paid features is that the good ones multiply your results. Incognito works the other way. It is a privacy tool, and it usually makes your results smaller.

So pay for it only when you have a real reason to stay hidden, and switch it off whenever that reason isn't in play. If you don't have one, keep the money for a plan that puts you in front of more women, not fewer.