How Do Women Rate Men on OkCupid?

Not with a score you can see. A woman on OkCupid judges a man in layers: she stops on a photo, reads what he wrote, and then looks at how his answers sit beside hers. You read how you are rated from what she does, which means likes, matches and messages. Claims about how women rate men in bulk circulate online, and we have no data we trust, so we will not repeat a number.

The first call takes a couple of seconds. She sees one photo, usually your lead, and decides whether to look further.

What she is reacting to is simple. Can she see your face? Does the light flatter it? Do you look like a man who has a life? A group shot where she cannot tell which one you are loses her at once. So does a heavily filtered photo, or one that is obviously old.

a dating coach treats the photo as the part that gets her to notice you and the words as the part that decides what she thinks of you. On a photo-first app the first part does most of the work. On OkCupid, it only gets you to the second.

This is where OkCupid differs from the swipe apps. Because the app is built around written answers, a woman who has stopped on your photo usually reads your page before she decides.

coach says a longer-form app is one where your page matters more than it does on Tinder. So a woman here is looking at whether you sound like a specific person. A line about your Saturday, an opinion she could argue with, and a plain sentence about what you want all tell her something. Adjectives and complaints tell her nothing, or the wrong thing.

His short list of what to leave off any dating page applies in full: nothing negative, nothing needy, nothing strange, and nothing that rules out too many women.

OkCupid shows a Match percentage built from the questions you both answered and what each of you wants. It applies basic criteria first, such as age and location, then narrows to people who are looking for someone like you, then compares answers.

That number is the app's rating of the two of you together. It says how much your answers agree, and it does not say whether she finds you attractive. A woman may like a man at 70 percent and skip one at 95.

What she can do with it is sort. When she has little time, the higher numbers get opened first. Your honest answers decide which women see a high number next to your name.

A few things cost a man more than he expects.

• A lead photo where his face is small, dark or hidden.
• A page that is empty, or almost empty, with few answered questions.
• A bitter line about dating, or about women.
• A page that reads as though it was written to please every woman. coach found his own results rose when he stopped trying to be acceptable to everyone and became more opinionated.
• Answers he gave to look good, which pair him with women who would suit a man he is not.

Clear daylight photos, with your face first and a few that show something you do. A short, specific page. Honest answers, enough of them that the percentage means something. Captions on photos, which turn each picture into a small story and give her an easy thing to answer.

And messages that prove you read her page. A woman reads those as interest in her, not in her photos.

Since there is no score, build one. Over two weeks, write down how many women you liked, how many liked you back, how many conversations started and how many turned into a date.

Each number points at a layer. Few mutual likes means the photo is the problem. Mutual likes but few conversations means your first line or your page needs work. Conversations that stall mean you wait too long to suggest a drink. coach usually moves a woman from the app to her number in four to seven messages, with every message heading toward a plan.

Change one thing at a time, so you know which change moved the number.

My warning on every app is that liking nearly everyone tends to make the app treat you as less attractive and show you to fewer of the women you want. So the way you use the likes is part of how you are rated, in the app's eyes if not hers. Like the women you would be glad to hear from, and pass on the rest.

The man who does well on OkCupid is rarely the best looking one on the site, but he has a photo that gets a second look, a page that gives her something to ask about, and a first message that shows he read hers.