How Can Asian Men Succeed at Online Dating?

Show a specific, playful personality, write short and direct messages, and keep going when some women say no. That is what works for men of every background, and it works for Asian men too. Some women will not be interested because of your ethnicity, and that is true for every man of every ethnicity. It is a reason to reach more women, not a reason to quit, and the men who do well are the ones who keep showing up.

Search for this topic on Reddit and you will find long posts that say the apps are rigged against Asian men. Some of those men are describing a real frustration. Most of the posts then stop at the complaint, and a man who stops at the complaint stops trying.

a dating coach has coached men for twenty years and has heard every excuse, including being too short, too old, too heavy and the wrong ethnicity. He says he has seen men of every race get women in large numbers, that there are women who like your background, many who do not care and a few who do not like it, and that the same is true of whatever background you have. What he has never seen is a man who uses his sticking point as a reason to stay home and still gets women. The excuse is the only thing that actually stops you.

coach gives a specific tactic. If your ethnicity has a stereotype, cater to it in your game. If the stereotype is mild-mannered, be less mild-mannered. If it is dangerous, add comfort. Play the cards you were dealt, like an underdog who studies the other team and plays a smart game.

On an app, that means writing messages with some energy. Do not open with "Hi, how are you?" Say something specific about something she wrote, tease her a little and make a joke. A man who is playful and direct on screen breaks a stereotype in one sentence. A man who is polite and passive confirms it.

Nobody is moved by a page of adjectives. Give her three concrete things: what you do with your Saturdays, something you care about, and something she could ask about. A plain, detailed page beats a polished, empty one.

Add a few good pictures. Use daylight, a smile that looks real and at least one picture that shows you doing something, not posing. Fit matters more than money. coach says that fixing your style is one of the quickest ways to raise your appearance, and that a better haircut and clothes that fit make a difference to every woman who sees you. If you are short and think women will not take you seriously, he says to get fit, so you are a physical specimen for your height.

My honest line, said about approaching women in person, is that a man with more sticking points may close a lower percentage than one with fewer, and that this is fine. If you approach enough women and do your best work, you still end up with a good result. The same logic holds online. Reach more women, send better messages and accept that your match rate is what it is.

So do not read a slow week as a verdict. Run two apps for a month with the same pictures and lines. Count matches, count conversations, count dates. Change one thing at a time. A message that opens with a specific detail should do better than one that opens with a greeting, and the numbers will show you.

You may be tempted to lead with your background to stand out, or to avoid it because you worry about it. Neither helps. Mention it the way you would any other fact, and it will become a topic she asks about if she is curious. Do not make it your whole identity, and do not let an assumption about what she wants steer what you write. She is one woman, with her own tastes.

If you are dating in a country where you are in the minority, the same method works. Use the topics she cares about, tell short stories and move to a plan.

coach has seen men who wanted everything right in their life before they went out and talked to women, and who started ten years late. Work on the things you can fix, like fitness, style and your messages, while you go on dates, not before.

The apps are a supplement. Put them in the background and spend the rest of your week doing things that put you around people: a sports league, a class, friends who like to go out. The man who is out in the world and also on the apps gets more dates than the man who is only on the apps.