Do Women Like Being Approached at Bars?

Many women do, on the right night and from the right man. A bar is one of the few places where strangers expect to talk, so a friendly hello from a relaxed man is often welcome. What women do not like is pressure: being cornered, being talked over, or being followed after she has said no. The approach is rarely the problem. The way it is done is.

No one can honestly give you a percentage of women who like it, and any number you see online is a guess. What you can learn is how to tell when she is open, how to start without pressure, and how to leave well. That is the skill, and it can be taught.

At a bar, nearly everyone chose to be around other people. She came out to be social, even if she came out with friends and has no plan to meet anyone. That makes a bar friendlier ground than a sidewalk full of people on their way to work.

It is also a place where she may be tired of attention. A woman who has been bought drinks and hit on all night will have her guard up by the time you arrive. The same hello can get a warm answer at nine o'clock and a short one at midnight. Neither answer says anything about you.

You do not need a gift for reading minds. You need to notice a few plain things before you walk over:

• She is looking around the room, not into her phone or into one friend's face.
• She smiles, laughs or makes eye contact with people near her.
• She is standing or sitting with an open body, not turned away or boxed in by friends.
• She is waiting for a drink, a friend or a table, so she has a free minute.

A woman in the middle of a serious conversation with her friends, or one who keeps her back to the room, is telling you not now. Leave her alone and look for the next set. a dating coach says the same about timing in general: most men do not lose a girl by saying something wrong. They lose her by hesitating or by picking a moment she had no room for.

Keep it short, warm and honest about why you came over. "Hi, I'm Sam. I saw you laughing from over there and wanted to say hello" does the job. Then stop talking and let her answer.

If she turns toward you, asks something back or stays after the first exchange, keep going. If she gives a one-word reply and looks back at her friends, say "Nice to meet you, enjoy your night" and walk away. That sentence is not a defeat. It is the part of the approach that makes the next woman, and the next bar, easier for you.

Skip the lines that put her on the spot, like "Why are you alone?" or "You are too pretty to be single." They tell her you are working a script and they hand her a question she has to manage.

Some situations are not worth the try:

• She is plainly on a date or in a deep one-on-one talk.
• She has said no to another man a minute ago and is still visibly annoyed.
• She is very drunk, or you are.
• The room is so loud that neither of you can hear a sentence.

Waiting costs you nothing. Another set will come.

A man who has been burned a few times starts to believe that every woman at a bar wants to be left alone. Usually the cause is a series of bad approaches: too intense, too long, or aimed at women who were busy. The lesson he takes from that is that approaching is wrong, when the real lesson is to pick better moments and stay brief.

The opposite mistake is just as common. A man hears that some women like it and treats every no as a signal to try harder. That is where the unwelcome behavior comes from. A no, or a lack of interest, ends the conversation right there.

Reading a room and handling a no are things you learn by doing them, with someone beside you who can say what he saw. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, you spend your training days in the field, daygame by day and nightgame in bars and lounges after dark, with live coaching on each approach and feedback after every set. A Group Bootcamp runs three days at a 3:1 student to coach ratio, and a Private Bootcamp is fully one-on-one for one, two or three days. Every day covers approaching and conversation, attraction and delivery, numbers and dates, and handling rejection.

If you have never approached anyone, that is fine. There is no skill floor, and approach anxiety is the specialty.

Is it rude to approach a woman at a bar?

No. A brief, friendly hello that you drop the moment she shows no interest is not rude.

What if she is with a group of friends?

Say hello to the group, keep it light, and see who engages. Do not pull one woman away from her friends or ignore the rest.

Should I buy her a drink first?

Not as an opener. Start with a conversation and let her decide whether she wants to keep it going.