Do Women Actually Care How Tall a Man Is?

Some do, and on average women care more than men do. But it isn't a wall. In one UK survey, fewer than half of the women rated a partner's height as important, and the survey write-up notes that what people say they want in a survey can differ from who they end up dating. If you're shorter, height is a disadvantage you can reduce, not a verdict.

Here is what the studies we looked at actually found.

• A University of St Andrews survey of 242 heterosexual UK adults, aged 18 to 29, asked how important a partner's height was. About 43% of the women said it was important or very important, against 26% of the men. Women's preference for a taller partner was stronger than men's preference for a shorter one. The write-up notes that people may say one thing in a survey but act differently when they're actually dating.
• A Northumbria University study of a student sample of 650 found women were more selective and more consistent than men about partner height. Women were most satisfied when their partner was about 21 cm (roughly 8 inches) taller than them.
• A study of 7,850 Indonesian women linked a bigger height gap in a couple to the wife's happiness. The effect faded over the years and was gone by 18 years of marriage. It covers one country, so don't read too much into it.

Read together, that says a taller man has an edge on average. It doesn't say a shorter man can't get a yes. More than half the women in the St Andrews survey did not put height in the important or very important group.

A survey asks a woman to rate a trait in the abstract. A date is a person standing in front of her. In person, a lot more is going on at once: how he talks, how he carries himself, whether he's fun, whether he looks like he takes care of himself.

You can't change your height. You can change nearly everything else she notices in the first minute.

If you lead with "I'm short," she'll treat it like a warning label. Compare:

• Weak: "Yeah, I know I'm not the tallest guy, haha."
• Better: Say nothing about it.

That first line doesn't sound self-aware. It sounds like you've already given up. Stand straight, speak clearly, and let it sit in the background. If she cares about height, you'll find out soon enough. If she doesn't, you didn't drag it into the conversation for no reason.

Women often notice how calm you are before they notice inches. Try this:

• Slow your movements down a little. Don't fidget with your phone, your sleeves or your drink.
• Say a sentence once and stop. No nervous overexplaining.
• Hold eye contact without looking like you're asking permission to be there.

Compare "I was thinking maybe we could grab drinks sometime if you're not busy, totally up to you" with "Let's grab a drink Thursday." The second one is cleaner and easier to say yes to.

You don't need to become a fashion nerd. You need clothes that fit. Most shorter men look better when:

• pants are hemmed to the right length
• sleeves stop at the wrist instead of swallowing the hand
• jackets fit close to the body

Baggy clothes make a compact frame look like a kid in his older brother's wardrobe. A fitted dark T-shirt, straight-leg jeans and clean boots will beat an oversized hoodie. Lifting two or three times a week and keeping your shoulders back adds to it, because a stronger frame reads better than a few extra inches.

Many men treat an attractive woman like a judge. They get nervous, perform badly, and then call her high maintenance. Neediness hurts you far more than your height does. Over-texting, over-complimenting and agreeing with everything she says all show fear, not interest.

• If she says she's busy this weekend, don't send four follow-ups. Say, "No problem, another time," and move on.
• If she flirts, flirt back. Don't build a case for why she should like you.

If your week is work, scrolling and hoping someone notices you, dating will feel like that too. If your life is full, women pick up on it.

• Join something weekly: climbing, martial arts, a run club, improv, volunteering.
• Keep plans that have nothing to do with meeting women, like dinner with friends or a side project.
• Be known for something: your cooking, your humor, your taste in music.

Some of the women you ask will care about height. Don't try to change that. Ask women out, flirt, leave when the vibe is bad, and spend your time on women who show interest back instead of women who are politely tolerating you. A "no" from someone who wanted a taller man is just you finding out sooner what you'd have found out on date three.