Do Pickup Lines Work on Dating Apps?

Rarely. A canned line works about as well in an app chat as it does anywhere else, which is badly, because she has already read it from other men. A short message about one specific thing she wrote or showed gets more answers. On a dating app you also start with an advantage a line cannot give you: once you swipe and match, she has already said yes to talking.

a dating coach draws a distinction between honest and dishonest signals. A clever line is a dishonest signal, because anyone can copy it. If he gave you one of his, you could repeat it word for word without having thought of it or having anything to back it up.

That is why a copied line sounds rehearsed. A woman on a dating app has seen the same cheeky question, the same pun on her name and the same "are you a..." from men she never answered. Every line she recognizes tells her you did not look at her page.

In person, the opener has a hard job. coach says the opener is one of the most awkward parts of meeting a woman, and the best one is whichever gets you into a conversation so smoothly that it feels like it just happened.

An app has already done that job. A match means she liked you back. You are not trying to win a stranger's attention. You are trying to not lose a woman who has already shown some interest. The first message should sound like the next sentence of a conversation, not the first line of a performance.

My first-message method starts with her page. He looks for anything unusual he can remark on, ideally something to tease. If there is nothing, he uses a stock message he has written before, matched to the type of woman she seems to be. A message for a sporty woman can differ from one for an outgoing woman who likes going out, and once a message works for a type, he keeps using it.

A message she answers helps beyond the chat too. My reading is that when women reply and interact, the app counts it as engagement and tends to show you more freely.

He adds two rules. Shorter is better, because if you can say it in fewer words you should. And it is usually better to comment on one of her prompts than on a photo, because a prompt reads as more genuine and less superficial.

One of his examples shows the mechanics. A woman's prompt said that a fact that surprises people about her is that she has always run her own businesses. From that he could guess she was ambitious and probably wanted an ambitious man. He is an entrepreneur too, but he did not gush about the similarity. He answered with a light, slightly cocky line saying he has never had a boss and is bad at taking orders.

Notice what that does. It shows they have something in common without announcing it. It teases a little. It leaves her something easy to react to.

Another time a woman liked his photo first and had not written anything. He thanked her by name and kept it relaxed. There was little to comment on, so he kept the message small and let her carry it.

You do not have to be dull. A joke is fine when it is aimed at something she actually wrote, and when you would be comfortable saying it out loud.

What fails is a joke that could be pasted into any chat. The test is easy: could this message go to the last five women you matched with? If so, it is a line, and she will treat it like one.

Do not open with something blunt and sexual either, even if her page is flirtatious. coach warns that many men do it and that it tends to switch her off. Let the tension build instead.

The first message earns a reply. It does not earn a date. coach gets from first message to her number in four to seven messages, and each one nudges toward a plan. He mentions going out early so that the invitation never arrives from nowhere.

Keep your replies as short as hers, and ask one thing at a time. When there is some warmth in the chat, suggest a simple, specific plan, such as a drink on a particular evening.

If your openers get no replies, look at your photos before you rewrite another line. My reasoning is that a message cannot rescue a first photo that put her off. If photos are fine and the matches are plentiful, test a message that is shorter and more specific, count your replies over a week, and change one thing at a time.

A line is a trick. A message that proves you read her page is a habit, and it keeps working after the novelty of any single phrase has worn off.