Daygame Mistakes That Make Women Walk Away

When you are approaching women in the daytime, they rarely walk away because the man is unattractive. They walk away because of something he did in the first twenty seconds that made the conversation feel like work. He startled her, mumbled, quizzed her, pushed for a number or would not take a no. Each of these is fixable, and most fix in a week of practice.

A woman who hears footsteps and then a voice at her shoulder is in alarm before you finish the first word. Everything you say after that is spent calming her down.

Come into her line of sight a few steps ahead. Slow your walk as you get close so she sees you coming, then say hello. If she is wearing headphones or is clearly absorbed, wait for a pause or leave it.

The first approach of a session is the worst one for almost everyone. Your voice is tight, your eye contact is off and your opener comes out thin. If you spend your best sets on the first three women you see, you waste them.

Say hello to a barista, a shopkeeper and a stranger in a queue before you aim at a woman you like. By the fourth conversation your voice is working.

A line said quietly while you look at the floor feels more suspicious than a clear one. She cannot hear you well, so she has to work to understand, and then the answer to your question is a polite "sorry?" and a step back.

Say the opener at normal volume with your head up. Short and clear beats clever and quiet. If you stumble, laugh at yourself and say it again.

Where are you from, what do you do, what are you doing today. A string of questions from a stranger is a form to fill in, and she has no reason to fill it in for you.

Swap one question in every two for a statement: a light guess about her, or something small about yourself. "You look like someone with a very strict coffee order" gives her something to react to.

A woman who is checking the time, turned away or walking fast is telling you she has no room for a conversation. If you keep going, you are not showing confidence, you are showing that you cannot read her.

It is fine to try once. If her answers are short and her body is already pointed down the street, give a warm "nice to meet you" and let her go.

"Sorry to bother you, I know this is random, sorry, I will be quick." Three apologies before the point make her wonder what you are about to ask for, and tell her you do not think you have a right to talk to her.

You do not need to be arrogant. A plain, friendly "Hey, I noticed you and wanted to say hi" is enough.

A heavy compliment about how she looks is something she has heard from many men, and it puts her on the spot. It also tells her what you want before she knows anything about you.

Begin with the moment you share: the café, the dog she is walking, the book in her hand. You can say that you find her attractive later, when she is already comfortable.

Why would she give a stranger her number just because he is standing there? She needs a reason, a plan or a feeling that the two of you get along.

Build a little first. Spend a few minutes talking and laughing, then suggest something specific: "Let's get a coffee in the next hour," or "I know a place around the corner." If she says yes, swapping numbers follows naturally.

The fastest way to turn a neutral encounter into a bad memory is to keep going after she has said no, or to follow her down the street.

One friendly second try is fine if the first answer was ambiguous. After a clear no, say "no problem, take care" and go. She will remember you as a man who was easy to talk to, and you keep your self-respect.

The mistake that does the most damage is the one that happens after the approach. A man gets a cold reaction, decides it proves something about him, and goes home.

An approach is a data point. You asked, you got an answer, you move on. Keeping count of conversations instead of results helps, because what you control is whether you did the approach.

Most of these are invisible to the man making them. You cannot see that you startled her or that your voice dropped on the second sentence. a dating coach says that sometimes major mistakes you are making in the field can be corrected with literally one comment. That is the value of someone standing beside you.

On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, you get live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set, so the mistakes get named while they are happening. It runs in Miami and New York, in Group with no more than three students per coach, or in Private, fully 1-on-1 for one, two or three days.