Can a Situationship Turn Into a Relationship?

Yes, a situationship can turn into a relationship, but only when she wants it too, and most of the time that shows up in what she does before it shows up in what she says. There is no honest percentage to quote, so ignore anyone who gives you one. Two things decide it: whether she is already acting like a girlfriend in small ways, and whether you are willing to ask and accept the answer.

It helps to sort yours into one of two groups.

The slow start. Both of you like each other, neither pushed for a label, and the relationship is simply behind the feelings. These can turn, often with one clear conversation.

The standstill. One person wants more and the other likes things as they are. The label never comes, because the other person gets what she wants without it. These rarely turn on their own, no matter how long you wait.

The same weekend can look identical in both. What differs is whether the effort is mutual and moving forward, or whether you are doing the pushing.

Look for behavior, not promises.

• She plans ahead, not just the night before. A date set a week out means she sees you in her future.
• She brings you into her life. Friends, family, a work event, her usual places.
• She is consistent. She answers, shows up and does what she says without making you earn it each time.
• She talks in "we" now and then, even jokingly.
• She is not hiding you or seeing others in a way she would be uncomfortable with you knowing.

You do not need all of these. A few, repeated over weeks, tell you the relationship is already forming and just needs a name.

• Plans are always last minute and on her terms.
• You see her mostly at night, and rarely in daylight or around other people.
• Every time you mention the future, she changes the subject or jokes it away.
• She is warm when she wants something and distant when you want anything.

coach breaks a relationship into two parts: the shared story of what you mean to each other, and the working contract of what each expects. A standstill has the story on your side and no contract on hers. You cannot write the contract alone.

Men often wait for the title before they behave like a boyfriend. Women often wait for the behavior before they agree to the title. The gap between the two is where situationships stall.

You can close it without overcommitting. Take her on proper dates instead of just hanging out at your place. Make plans in advance. Be reliable. Keep your own life full, because a man who is wrapped up in her loses what made him attractive. coach warns that neediness and laziness both damage a relationship, and both apply before the label as well.

What you should not do is give her every benefit of a relationship while she gives you none of the commitment. That teaches both of you that no label is fine.

When the signs point the right way, ask directly, once, in person.

"I have really enjoyed these past few weeks. I would like us to be exclusive. Is that something you want too?"

If she says yes, you have a relationship. If she says she needs time, ask how much and what she needs, then take the answer at face value. If she dodges, you have learned something important. Do not argue her into it. A woman who has to be persuaded into a title tends to be a woman who is not ready to hold it.

Pick the moment. Not in the middle of a fight, not in bed, not by text. A calm moment after a good day works best.

Then you have the information you needed. Decide whether you can stay on casual terms, with no expectations of exclusivity, or whether you need to move on. Both are honest. Staying in the hope that she will change is not.

My idea of abundance helps here: the man who knows he can meet other women can ask for what he wants and leave if he does not get it. He is not bargaining from fear.

A situationship turns into a relationship when two people want it, show it, and say it. Look at the behavior, ask once, believe the answer, and give it a deadline you keep.