Are Dating Apps Dying?

Not gone, but harder. a dating coach points to fewer people using them and a drop in downloads, and he says the men who get results now are the ones who treat the apps as a skill. For a man deciding where to spend his effort, the answer is to do both: get good at the apps, and also learn to hold a conversation with a woman away from the screen.

a dating coach argues that online dating is in many ways declining. He cites falling monthly users and falling downloads worldwide, and notes that the big app companies have seen their revenue flatten and their share prices drop. He also says single men and women are both finding that the apps work less well than they used to.

We are not putting numbers on it here, because figures like these move and we have no way to refresh them. The direction is what matters: the apps are a tougher place than they used to be.

a dating coach explains it with a comparison to online poker. Early on, a lot of casual players sat at the tables, and the money moved around fairly evenly. Then the serious players got faster software, played many tables at once, and studied everyone. The casual players lost and left, and what remained was mostly experts taking money from each other.

Dating apps followed the same shape, in his telling. At first people used them honestly and without much strategy. Then some people started testing photos, rewriting their bios, buying upgrades, and sharing what worked. They got far more dates than the men who did not bother, and they came to dominate what women saw.

The average man did not change. The competition did.

a dating coach adds that the apps got worse for women as well. A woman looking for a relationship now sees many polished, optimized cards, and some of those men want only a hookup. The ones who look the most exciting are not always the ones who want what she wants.

So both sides feel the apps are serving them less well than they did. A man who understands this stops taking silence personally. Plenty of the silence is a crowded, tired system and nothing to do with him.

a dating coach's conclusion is that online dating is still a large opportunity for a man who optimizes. If your photos, first lines and plan to meet are strong, you stand out in a field where most men do none of that.

He says that if you are going to play, play like a professional. A clear lead photo in daylight. A card that sounds like a person. A first line that refers to something on her page. A plan to meet within a handful of messages. These are small things, and most men skip all of them.

His second point is that more women are meeting people offline again. He lists running clubs, board game groups and speed dating as growing ways to meet, along with the plain act of talking to someone in the real world.

You do not need to give up on the apps to use this. It means your week has more than one route. Join a group that meets regularly. Go to events where you will see the same faces. Practice starting conversations with strangers, because the skill carries over to every setting.

a dating coach's view is that being an attractive, confident man has not changed. What has changed is the platform you show it on. Flirting, asking for a number and suggesting a plan work on an app and at a bar.

A man who is good at those in person writes better first lines online. A man who learns to message well online finds it easier to hold a conversation face to face. They feed each other, which is a reason to practice both.

Pick one change on the app, such as a better lead photo or a first line that is specific to each woman, and make it. Set a short daily window for the apps so they do not eat your evenings.

Then add one offline habit. Go to a recurring event, or start talking to one stranger a day. If the apps are tougher than they used to be, a man with two routes is in a far better position than a man with one.