What to Do When a Woman Asks 'Do I Know You?' or 'What Do You Want?'

Answer the question in one short, honest sentence and keep your voice easy. Neither question is a no. "Do I know you?" means she is open to the idea that she might, and "What do you want?" means she is checking whether you are a safe stranger or a nuisance. When you cold approach women in person, in the field, on the street or in a bar, both questions come up all the time, and both are easier than they feel.

"Do I know you?" is usually a good sign. A woman asks it when your hello felt familiar and friendly rather than strange. a dating coach describes the vibe a man should aim for as "oh hello, old friends." He adds that if a woman says "do I know you from somewhere?" after a neutral opener, that is a sign the man is doing the other things right.

"What do you want?" is blunter. It can come out warm, curious, or guarded. The same words from a woman who is smiling and from a woman who is walking fast mean different things, so read her face before you decide how serious it is. In most cases she is not asking you to leave. She is asking you to explain yourself quickly.

Do not invent a past. Do not claim you met at a party, because she will know within ten seconds and you will have started the conversation with a small lie.

Tell her the true, light version. "No, we haven't met. I saw you walk by and wanted to say hi." Then give your name and ask for hers. That is the whole move.

You can add a little play if it suits you: "Not yet, but it feels like we should have." Say it with a smile and no push behind it. If it comes out flat, skip it and use the plain version, because the plain version works.

Be direct and brief. A long explanation sounds nervous, and a joke that dodges the question sounds evasive.

Good answers sound like this: "To say hi. You looked like someone worth talking to." Or: "I wanted to meet you, so I came over." She now knows exactly what is happening, and men who are honest about that tend to get the relaxed version of the conversation, because there is nothing left for her to guess at.

Avoid answering with a question of your own, such as "What do you mean?" That makes you sound defensive and gives her nothing to work with.

The words matter less than how they land. If you answer fast and high with your arms tight against your sides, the same sentence sounds like an apology. a dating coach's point about body language applies directly here: good body language is "you acting the way you would around your good friends who you're comfortable with." Slow your breath, let your shoulders drop, and speak at the pace you use with a friend.

Also keep your eye contact steady without staring. A short pause before you answer is fine. A woman who has just challenged you is watching to see if the challenge rattled you.

Sometimes the question is followed by a short answer, a glance at her phone, or a step away. That is information. One more friendly sentence is fine, and so is a clean exit: "Nice to meet you, enjoy your day." Leaving well is worth more than pushing for a conversation she is not offering.

Do not read a cold answer as proof that you did something wrong. Plenty of women are in a rush, in a bad mood, or wary of strangers because of earlier attempts that went badly for them.

These two questions are the ones men rehearse in the shower and forget the moment a real woman asks them. The fix is repetition in the field, with someone to tell you how your voice and face looked.

That is what a Cold Approach Bootcamp is built around. It runs in Miami and New York. Group is three consecutive days at a ratio of three students to one coach, and Private is one, two or three days fully one-on-one. Each training day has two four-hour blocks of live approaching, with feedback after every set, and you leave with a written practice plan. There is no skill floor, so a man who has never approached anyone is welcome.