What Do Women Like Being Called?

Her name. Most women like hearing their own name said warmly, and for the first weeks it is the best thing you can call her. Nicknames like "babe" or "beautiful" work only after the two of you have built some comfort, and the best ones come from something you share rather than from a list. If you have only been on a few dates, stick with her name.

A name is the one word that is hers. Saying it at the right moment tells her you are paying attention to her and not to a type. A man who uses her name in a sentence ("That sounds great, Maya") sounds more present than one who tosses out a pet name he could use for anyone.

A generic pet name does the opposite. "Babe," "baby," "sweetheart," and "gorgeous" are used by many men on many women. Early on, they can make her feel like one of several. Some women like them from the start, but you cannot know which kind she is yet.

So the safe starting point is simple. Learn how she says her name, use it, and notice if she goes by a short form with friends. If she introduces herself as Katherine, do not call her Kate until she says it is fine.

A nickname feels good when it fits the closeness you actually have. Before that, it feels like a line.

Signs she is ready for something warmer:

• She uses a pet name or a playful name for you first
• You have met several times and the conversation is easy
• She teases you back and seems comfortable being teased
• You have been seeing each other regularly for a while

If you are not sure, wait. You lose nothing by using her name a few more weeks.

The best nicknames come from an actual moment. Maybe she spilled coffee on her first date and you started calling her "Hurricane." Maybe she mispronounced a word and it became a running joke. A name born from something real tells her you remember the details of being with her, and that matters more than any word on a list.

If nothing like that has happened yet, a shortened form of her name, said warmly, works well. So does a mild, affectionate tease that she can laugh at. Keep the teasing kind, and drop it if she does not smile.

Some words work only in a stable relationship and sound off on a first or second date.

• "Baby" or "babe" too early. It assumes closeness she has not agreed to.
• Words about her body. "Sexy" or "hot" as a name can sound like you are commenting on her instead of speaking to her.
• Words that sound possessive. "My girl" before she has agreed to be anyone's girl gets a cold reaction.
• Words she has told you she dislikes. If she says she hates a nickname, you are done with it, without a speech.

You are not trying to guess a secret list. You are watching her face and her words, and adjusting.

Ask, lightly. "Do you go by Liz, or Elizabeth?" is a normal question. Later, "Do you have a nickname you actually like?" is a friendly one, and the answer is useful. Women often say that their family calls them one thing and their friends another, and the invitation to pick one is flattering.

You can also listen to what she calls herself in messages and in conversation. If she signs off a text with a short form of her name, she is telling you.

Describing women in general, "girl" is the word most men use and most women accept in ordinary talk. When you talk to her, though, avoid labels for her whole category. "Hey, girl" or "ladies" to a woman you barely know can sound careless. Use her name.

When you talk about her to friends, "the girl I am seeing" is fine. Talking about her with respect also protects you, because friends repeat things.

A nickname will not make her like you. Warmth, attention, and a good evening will. A pet name is a small decoration on top of that, and the wrong one early on can undo some of it.

If your aim is to make her feel special, say what you actually noticed about her: "You made that waiter laugh in about five seconds. I liked watching it." That does more than any pet name could.

Start with her name. Add a nickname only when she gives you one, or when a shared moment makes it obvious. If she flinches, drop it. If she smiles and uses one back, you have your answer.