Should You Hug on a First Date?

Yes. A short, warm hug when you meet is a good idea, and one at the end is usually fine if the evening went well. When a hand comes out or she hangs back, a smile and a handshake do the job. You can hug, you do not have to, and the way you read her matters more than the answer.

coach recommends greeting the woman with a hug on a date. His reasoning is practical. She has chosen to spend her evening with you, so a hug is an ordinary, friendly thing to do, and it is not sexual. What it does is break the physical barrier early. Once you have touched, the rest feels easier for both of you.

He adds a second point: if you start with some contact, the evening has a smoother rise in closeness. Starting from no contact at all and then jumping to a kiss at the end is a big step. Starting from a hug makes every later step smaller.

There is also this. A woman often will not start touching you until you have started. A hug makes it okay for her to touch you back, and women who like a man usually do.

Keep it simple.

1. Greet her with a smile and say her name.
2. Open your arms slightly and wait for a beat to see if she steps in.
3. Keep it short, one or two seconds, with a light squeeze.
4. Keep your hands high on her back, not low.
5. Let go first or at the same time she does.

If she leans in, good. If she holds out her hand, take it and keep the warmth in your voice. Do not try to turn a handshake into a hug.

Some women are huggers, some are not, and a first meeting with a stranger can make anyone shy. Watch for her signals.

Open signs:

• She smiles and moves toward you.
• Her arms are relaxed and open.
• She makes eye contact.

Hold-back signs:

• She keeps her bag or coat in front of her.
• She steps back as you approach.
• She offers a hand.

If you see the second set, skip the hug. It costs you nothing, and you can try again at the end if the date goes well.

When in doubt, start with a smile and an open stance and let her choose. If she goes for a handshake, shake it. A good handshake is brief, firm and relaxed. Either is fine. A man who handles both calmly looks comfortable, which is the aim.

If the date went well, a hug at the end is natural. If the mood is warm and she stays close, a kiss may be possible, but only if she is leaning in. If it was a polite evening, a hug or a wave and a clear "I had a good time" is enough. Do not hold a long hug while you hope for more. If she steps back, let go and smile.

Some men ask whether to hug before the date, meaning when you arrive and meet. That is the greeting hug above. Do not hug someone who is hurrying past, and wait until you are face to face.

Since you are choosing how to greet her, choose the date to match. Keep it easy: a drink or coffee, a walk, or dessert. Something where you can talk, and where you can leave after an hour or so if it is not clicking, or stay longer if it is. My advice is that the first date is a low-stakes test of whether you enjoy each other, not a performance. Put your phone away, listen to her, and make your interest easy to read.

Say hello with a smile, offer a hug if she looks open to it, shake her hand if she offers one, and read her again at the end. A friendly, brief hug is a good first date habit because it makes the rest of the evening easier.