Poll: What Questions Do You Have About Texting?

Keep your first text short and tied to the moment when you met.

If you met at a bar, you could send:

Good meeting you. You still owe me your best story about that tattoo.

If you met at a coffee shop, you could write:

I’m still waiting to hear why you think that café has the best muffins.

She has a clear reason to answer. She also knows who you are.

Do not send only:

Hey, it’s Mike.

She already knows your name. That text gives her nothing to say.

You also do not need to write a long message about how much you enjoyed meeting her. Save that for later. Your first text should remind her of the good moment you shared and give her an easy way to join the conversation.

Text her when you have a reason to text her. You do not need to wait a set number of hours.

If you met her at lunch, you can send a short text after you leave. If you met her at a bar, you can send one when you get home. The clock does not create attraction. Your message does.

Waiting two days while checking her profile every hour will not make you look calm. It will make you sit alone with your phone and build up a bigger problem than the text itself.

Send one clear message. Then put your phone down.

If she takes time to answer, do not send:

Did you get my text?

Do not send:

I guess you’re busy.

Those lines ask her to deal with your worry. They also give her a reason to avoid the conversation.

Look at the full exchange, not one short reply.

She may send:

Haha yeah

after you make a joke. That does not tell you much by itself. Send one more message that moves the talk somewhere.

For example:

You laughed, but you still haven’t told me what makes the place worth visiting.

If she keeps giving short answers, stop carrying the whole conversation. Ask her out.

You could write:

You’re fun to talk to in person. Get coffee with me this week.

If she says yes, set a place and time. If she gives a vague answer such as “maybe” or “I’ll see,” do not argue with her. Write:

Sure. Send me a time that works for you.

Then leave the phone alone.

A woman who wants to see you will help make the plan. You should not send ten messages to pull a clear answer from her.

Text long enough to show that you can hold a fun conversation, then ask her to meet.

You do not need to tell your full life story through your phone. The goal is to create a good feeling and make a simple plan.

Suppose she says she loves old movies. You can write:

Pick one movie I should watch. If it’s bad, you owe me coffee.

If she plays along, follow with:

Let’s get coffee and argue about your choice.

That is better than asking for a date with no build-up at all. It gives the invitation a reason.

Keep the plan simple. Choose one place and one time.

Meet me at the café near the park at 6.

If she cannot make it, she can suggest another time. If she only says she is busy and gives you no other option, take her answer as a no for now.

Do not ask, “What do you want to do?” when you first make plans. That puts the work on both of you before you have even met. Pick a place you know. Make it easy for her to say yes.

Stay calm and ask once if she wants to set a new time.

Write:

No problem. Let me know when you’re free.

If she gives you another time, make the plan. If she sends another vague message, stop sending invitations.

Do not write an angry speech. Do not ask why she ruined your plans. You have better things to do than debate with a woman who will not set a time to meet.

A guy I coached once had a woman cancel twice. Each time, he sent a long message asking what he had done wrong. She never gave him a clear answer. He kept trying to fix a problem that only needed one simple response: stop asking.

Your texts should match her effort. If she sends one short line, you do not send a full page. If she asks questions and helps set plans, keep talking.

Stop when you have asked a clear question, made a clear invitation, or answered her last message.

Do not keep sending messages because the phone is quiet. A quiet phone is not a problem you solve with more words.

Texting works best when it leads to a real meeting. Use your messages to show your sense of humor, learn a little about her, and set a time to see her.

Then put the phone in your pocket and go live your life.