How to Turn "We Should Hang Out Sometime" Into a Real Date

Replace "sometime" with a day, a time and a place, and call it a date. "I'd like to take you out Thursday at 7. There's a taco spot near me that's great. Does that work?" gives her one easy thing to say yes to. "We should hang out sometime" gives her work, and people often just disappear instead of doing it.

"Sometime" feels safe because it protects you from a no. It also protects you from a yes. If you never make a real offer, she never gets to accept one.

Someone who says "we should hang out sometime" and hears the same back has agreed to nothing. Nobody's checked a calendar. Nobody's picked a place. Whoever sends the next message has to invent the whole plan, and most people don't.

When she says it, or you've said it and she's agreed, reply while the idea is still warm. Use this shape: a day, a time, a place, an activity.

• "I'd like to take you out for a drink Friday at 7. There's a good place near me. Are you free?"
• "There's a taco spot near me that's actually great. Want to meet there Thursday at 7?"
• "I'd like to take you to a new wine bar tonight at 8. Want to join me?"

Compare those with "Maybe we could do something if you're free." The first set gives her something to answer. The second gives her homework.

You don't need an impressive plan. Coffee, a walk, a drink, a gallery, tacos: all fine. Men stall because they think the plan has to wow her. It has to be real.

If you use the word "hang out," she may think it's a friends thing. You can say what you mean in plain words:

• "I'd like to take you out."
• "I enjoyed talking with you. Want to go out this weekend?"

If you're unsure which kind of invitation you're getting from her, ask. One advice site on telling dates from hangouts says that if you're unsure, you can ask whether it's a date, and that it helps to make a habit of asking as soon as you get an invitation. Try: "Is this a date?" Light tone, one breath, no apology.

Two Verily magazine pieces on turning hangouts into dates give lines that work from either side:

• If the plan she offers is vague or too casual, counter with a specific one. Verily's example: "I was actually really wanting to go to the art show, how about we go there instead?"
• If you'd rather it be a date, say so. Verily's line: "I'd love to spend time with you, and that sounds nice enough. But I'd prefer a date."
• If she brings up friends, ask. Verily suggests: "Should I invite friends along, or is this a date?"

If she wants to stay in and watch something, you can suggest a movie or a drink out instead. It's a gentle way to say you want it a bit more formal.

Stay warm. You're stating what you'd like, not demanding it.

Calm initiative sounds like this:

• "I'd like to see you. Thursday works for me."
• "No worries if you're busy. Another time is fine."

Don't double text three times in an hour. Don't send a flood of plans before she answers. Ask once, suggest once, follow up once if you need to. Then let the answer breathe.

If she keeps pushing it back with no alternative day, you've got your answer. A clear no costs you one uncomfortable moment. A "sometime" can cost you weeks.

Plenty of men can send the first text and fall apart after it. Following through is part of the invitation:

• Text when you said you'd text. If you said "I'll text you tomorrow with a time," then text tomorrow.
• Make the reservation if you proposed the place.
• Check the hours and parking before you go.
• Arrive on time, and keep the conversation going if there's a lull.

Small reliability makes dating feel less uncertain for the other person.

She says: "We should hang out sometime."

You: "Definitely. How's Thursday at 7? There's a taco place near me I've been wanting to try."

She: "Thursday's tough."

You: "No problem. Saturday afternoon, same spot?"

That's it. Two messages, one specific plan each. If she has no day that works, tell her to let you know and leave it there.

It happens. You said "we should hang out sometime" at the end of a talk and you haven't followed up. Follow up now:

"I enjoyed talking with you last week. Want to grab a drink Thursday at 7?"

You don't need an apology or a reason for the delay.

If she says yes, you've turned a vague idea into a date. If she says no, you didn't fail. You learned she's not available, not interested or not a match, and you can stop guessing.

A clear ask beats a clever hint every time.