How to See Women as Friends

See women as friends by talking to far more of them, far more often, about ordinary things. A man who treats every woman as a possible girlfriend is usually a man who speaks to very few women, so each conversation carries too much weight. Once saying hello to women in person is a normal part of your week, they turn back into people: the coworker, the neighbor, the woman at the gym, your friend's sister. Some become real friends, and those friendships are often how you meet the women you end up dating.

Picture a man who has a real conversation with a woman maybe twice a month. Each one is an event. He replays it on the drive home, reads meaning into how she said goodbye, and wonders whether a follow-up text would be too much.

Nothing is wrong with him. He is doing simple arithmetic. When something is rare, every instance of it feels important, and an important conversation is a tense one. Women pick up on that tension within a minute, and it makes an easy friendship hard to start.

a dating coach puts the cure in four words: "She is just a girl." He means that no single woman is a once in a lifetime chance. The quickest way to believe it is to meet enough women that it becomes obvious.

Start with the women already in your week. The barista, the woman two desks over, the neighbor you pass in the hallway, the regular at your gym. Say hello, use her name once you know it, and ask one small question about her day.

Do this with everyone, not only the women you find attractive. coach makes the same point about the people in your daily routine. A quick hello and goodbye costs a second, and over a few months it adds up to a much bigger social life. The women you are not trying to impress are the easiest place to practice being normal, because nothing rides on the conversation.

After a few weeks, something shifts. Talking to a woman stops being a decision and becomes a habit, the way talking to the guy at the hardware store already is.

Seeing women as friends does not mean switching off attraction or pretending you never notice anyone. It means you are not angling.

Try one question. If nothing romantic ever happened with this woman, would you still be glad she was in your life? If yes, you have a friend, and the fact that she is good looking changes nothing. If no, be honest with yourself. Hanging around for months while hoping for a different ending is unfair to her and miserable for you.

If real feelings show up later, say so once, plainly, and let her answer. One clear sentence is kinder than a year of hints.

The man who turns a female friend into a project is almost always the man with nothing else going on. She is the only woman he talks to, so she ends up carrying all of his hopes.

The fix is a dating life that does not depend on her. When you are meeting women at bars, on the street and through your week, going on dates and hearing a few noes, your friend gets to stay your friend. You stop studying her texts because you are not waiting on them.

Ask a room of married men how they met their wives and a large share will say through friends. Men on Reddit say the same thing whenever the question comes up. The woman they ended up dating was a friend of a friend, often from a group that got together every week.

Most women have plenty of female friends. A woman who likes you as a friend will invite you to her birthday dinner, her housewarming, the bar after her softball game. Those rooms are full of women who already have a reason to trust you. coach adds that a single female friend who likes to go out is great company on a night out.

None of those invitations come if you are faking the friendship. Women notice quickly when a man is treating them as an entry ticket.

Friendship with a woman looks a lot like friendship with a man. You make plans and keep them. You tease her and take a joke back. You help when she moves apartments, and you let her buy a round sometimes.

A few habits make it awkward fast. Late night texts asking what she is up to, with no plan attached. Expensive gifts for no occasion. Questions about her dating life asked to find out where you stand. Drop those and the friendship gets easier for both of you.

Most men who struggle with this have simply not talked to enough women, and reading about it will not change that. The fastest fix is a few days of saying hello to strangers with someone beside you who knows what he is doing. Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp on the streets, in the cafes and in the bars of Miami and New York. A coach watches each conversation you start and tells you what to adjust before the next one. The Group version is three days in a row, with three students per coach at most. Private is 1-on-1, for one, two or three days. Men who have never approached anyone are welcome, and the nerves that make you go blank are exactly what the coaches work on. After dozens of hellos, the woman at your office stops feeling like a test.