How to Respond to Flirty Texts From a Woman

Yes, you should answer a flirty text, and you should do it in a way that keeps her energy going and moves toward seeing her. Match how playful she was, add one small step of your own, and keep it short. Then, once she is warm, suggest a plan. The most common failure is not saying the wrong flirty thing. It is replying with a boring, careful answer that lets the spark die.

coach sorts the texts a woman sends into four types: silence, tests, logical and platonic answers, and positive ones. A flirty text is a positive one, the best kind. He says that when she is positive and responsive, it is time to start making plans.

Start is the important word. You do not need to jump to "dinner tomorrow at 8" in your first reply. You need to respond in a way that tells her you enjoyed it and are ready to play too.

The simple formula is to meet her level and go slightly beyond it. If she sent a light tease, send a light tease back with a little extra. If she was warm and sweet, be warm and a touch bolder.

Some examples of what she sends and what you could answer:

• She sends: "You're trouble, aren't you?" You send: "Only the good kind. It's a very small licence."
• She sends: "I can't stop thinking about that kiss." You send: "That makes two of us. I'm still working on how to top it."
• She sends: "Stop being so charming, it's annoying." You send: "I'll try. I can't promise. It's a condition."
• She sends a photo of her new dress with "What do you think?" You send: "Dangerous. Where are you wearing it?"

None of these is long, none asks permission, and all of them leave her something to say back.

Keep it tasteful. If her tone gets more explicit than you want, you can stay playful without matching it. If you are not sure she wants to go further, do not push. Let her set the heat, and enjoy it when she does.

When a woman flirts and the man answers with "Thanks! How was your day? What are you up to this weekend?", the energy goes out of the room. coach warns against interrogating a girl and against a formal, businesslike tone.

A good reply to flirtation is warm and a bit cheeky, and has no list of questions in it. One light question at most, and only if it is playful.

If you reply in ten seconds every time, you look as if you are watching your phone. My point is that responding instantly each time reads as eagerness and makes her your top priority in life. A normal gap works: a few minutes to an hour.

There are exceptions. If you are in a fast, fun back-and-forth and she is typing as quickly as you are, keep up. That is the moment for a call or a plan.

Once the exchange is warm, use a small sequence rather than one big ask. My approach is to qualify, then suggest in general terms, then close.

1. "You seem like someone who likes trying new places. Am I right?"
2. "I know a spot with good cocktails and bad lighting, perfect for trouble. Are you in?"
3. "When are you free this week?"

Each yes makes the final question easier. When she gives you a time, confirm it with one clear line, and leave the rest for the date.

Sometimes a flirty text has an edge: "You must say that to all the girls." This is a test, and it is a good sign, since she is putting energy into you.

My advice is to pass it and keep going. Agree and exaggerate: "Every single one. I have a chart." Do not get defensive, and do not ask for a date right after, because it looks as though the test shook you. Wait for her to warm up again, then move toward a plan.

Do not flirt back if she is clearly joking with a friend, if she has said she is not looking for anything, or if she seems drunk, upset or not herself. A flirty text at the wrong moment is not a green light. If you are unsure whether she is serious, a light reply and a direct question over coffee gets a clearer answer than any text.

Answer well, keep it short, and aim at a real meeting. That is the whole job.