How to Meet Plus-Size Women

Meet plus-size women the way you meet any woman you like. Go to places where the women you are drawn to actually spend time, start a real conversation, and let her see that you are interested in her. The difference is not the technique. It is that she has probably heard some bad versions of "I like bigger women", so how you carry your interest matters more than usual.

coach makes a point about venues that applies directly here. Most men go where the stereotypically hot crowd goes and end up talking to women who are not their type. His advice is to find the place with the most attractive women for you, not in general.

If you prefer curvier women, a club chosen for its tall, model-looking crowd is the wrong room. Choose settings where body size is not the point and women of every shape are just there to do something:

• Classes in dancing, cooking, painting or pottery.
• Hobby groups, game nights and book clubs.
• Coffee shops and bookstores, especially ones you visit often.
• Concerts, markets, festivals and food events.
• Volunteer days, running or walking groups, community sports.

My other rule applies as well: choose a venue where you fit. If you are not interested in the activity, she will notice. Go to places you would enjoy even if you met nobody.

Use the same direct, relaxed opener you would use with anyone. My approach is to say honestly that you are interested, then show what caught your attention beyond her looks.

Something like:

• "Hi, I saw you laughing with your friends and I had to come say hello. I'm [your name]."
• "That jacket is great. You clearly put thought into what you wear. Where did you find it?"

Pick something she chose: her style, her laugh, what she is reading, how she interacts with people. Then ask her a question and listen.

Never mention her weight, even as praise. "I love curvy girls" or "I like a woman with something to hold" turns her into a category. It is also the line a lot of men use, so it tells her you may be after a type and not after her.

A few more mistakes to avoid:

• Treating your interest as a secret. If you would be embarrassed to be seen with her, you should not ask her out.
• Asking about her size, diet or fitness. Those are her business.
• Surprise at your own interest. "I don't normally go for..." is not a compliment.
• Sexual comments about her body. Keep early compliments about her presence and personality.

My idea of evaluation helps here: show her that there is something about her beyond her looks that makes you want to continue. Ask what she does, what she loves, what she would do with a free Saturday. Tease her lightly about something small and let her tease you back.

When the conversation is warm, ask for a plan, the same way as with any woman. "I'd like to see you again. Coffee on Thursday?" Be clear that you are asking her out. A woman who has been treated as a fling does not need another vague "hang out".

Choose a place with seating that suits everyone, such as a booth or a table with a sturdy chair. If you are unsure, pick a spot you have been to and think about whether she would be comfortable. A walk and coffee works well because it removes the question altogether.

Treat her like the person you picked. Introduce her to friends when the time comes. Pay attention to what she says. These are small things, and they separate a man who is interested from a man who is experimenting.

Some women will be careful with you, and that is reasonable. They may have been approached by men who only wanted a particular body type. You cannot argue her out of that. You can show through steady, respectful behavior over a few meetings that you are interested in her. If she still is not comfortable, thank her and move on.