How Do You Know Where You Stand With a Woman You've Been Dating for a Few Weeks?

Look at what she does, then ask her one plain question about it. If she texts between dates, makes time to see you and talks about next month, she's invested. If you've been guessing for weeks, say: "I like where this is going. What are you looking for right now?"

Dating writer Evan Marc Katz lists the behavior that shows someone is invested. Check it against your last few weeks:

• She texts or calls between dates and keeps the conversation going.
• She remembers what you told her and follows up, like how your presentation at work went.
• She asks about plans that include you.
• She makes time too. You aren't the only one suggesting dates while she stays busy.
• She invites you to things with her friends or family.
• She shares the unglamorous parts of her life, not only the good stories.

Katz also says to believe the negatives. He says people who want a relationship tend to claim the status quickly, and people who don't tend to offer a steady stream of excuses.

A relationship-status quiz on Marriage.com asks about these things, among many others:

• How often do you see each other, once a week or most days?
• Are either of you still seeing other people, or still on dating apps?
• Have you talked about the future, even in passing?
• Have you met each other's friends?
• Do you make plans ahead of time, or is it all last-minute?
• Do you know what to call each other when you introduce each other to someone?

If most of your answers are "once a week," "I don't know" and "last-minute," you're probably still dating casually, which is my read, not the quiz's. That's a fine place to be. It just isn't a relationship yet.

There's no exact deadline. In the Washingtonian's "Ask Harry and Louise" column on the six-week rule, the two columnists disagree about it. Harry calls a fixed time limit "useless." Louise says six weeks can show you things: whether you think about her often, whether you're curious how she thinks, and whether you want to see her again. She says it won't tell you whether the foundation is set.

Katz is more specific. He says that by about six weeks you've probably had around 10 dates and should have a good sense of where you stand. If neither of you has taken down your dating profiles or labeled things by then, it's close to time for the conversation. He says a couple should be a couple within about two months, and that anything longer points to one or both people being unsure about commitment.

Treat those as rough guides. Both are opinion columns, not research. The useful signal is whether the picture is getting clearer or staying fuzzy.

Ask once, at a calm moment, not over text and not at the end of a bad night. Keep it short and say what you want.

• "I really like spending time with you. Where do you see this going?"
• "I'm not seeing anyone else. Are you?"
• "What are you looking for right now?"

Then stop talking and let her answer. Don't explain, don't soften it, and don't fill her silence with reasons she shouldn't mind.

If you've gone on three dates and you're wondering whether she wants a real relationship, that third question tells you more than trying to read her body language like a detective.

• She's clear and interested. Good. Say what you want too.
• She's unsure. Katz suggests you can wait a few more weeks. If she's dismissive, you have your answer.
• She says she only wants what you have now. Take her at her word. Then decide whether that works for you. If it doesn't, you can leave on good terms.

Katz adds that if after six to eight weeks you still can't tell where you stand, and it's mostly texts plus one date a week, that's probably all she wants.

Quiet doesn't always mean no. In the Washingtonian column, Louise suggests a man who doesn't talk much early on may be an introvert or a slow starter, and that lack of conversation doesn't automatically mean the connection is missing. Give her a few more weeks if you still want to see her, and watch whether she makes an effort in other ways, like planning dates or showing up.

• Don't test her to see whether she slips up.
• Don't ask her about her past to get a read on her.
• Don't text her paragraphs about your feelings. One clear question beats ten hints.
• Don't read one slow reply as a verdict.

If she's honest, kind and does what she says she'll do, you probably already know where you stand. The conversation just makes it official.