How to Kiss a Woman You Love

Wait for a quiet moment when the two of you are close and settled, test her comfort with small touches, look at her lips for a second, and lean in slowly. If she leans in too, kiss her. If you are not sure she wants it, ask. When you care about her, nerves get worse, but the answer is the same as with anyone: go for it, gently, and read her response. This holds whether you have known her for years or only a few weeks.

a dating coach makes a point most men have never heard. The main reason to kiss is not to speed up the physical side. It is communication. A kiss is a quiet agreement between two people: you like each other, you kissed her, she kissed you back, and now everything between you has changed. She can relax into what comes next because she knows where you both stand.

That matters most with someone you love. You are not trying to win a moment. You are telling her something, and she is telling you something back.

Technique matters less than the mood. coach says a kiss tried in the wrong mood tends to be awkward, and can even do harm.

Two moods work against you. The first is friendly and calm, like two people chatting over coffee. There is no tension, so a kiss feels like a surprise. The second is high energy, when she is laughing, bouncing and looking in every direction. Neither is a good setting.

What you want is a little charged quiet: you have been close, you have been teasing, and there is a bit of nervous energy in the air. Wait for a moment when you are both sitting or standing still and the conversation has slowed. coach would not try to kiss a woman while walking. Find a moment where you are settled and face to face.

You do not jump straight from talking to kissing. You get there with a series of small things.

• A light touch on her arm or shoulder while you laugh.
• Leaning in to tell her something quietly and seeing whether she pulls back.
• Brushing hair from her face. If she accepts that, she is comfortable with you close.
• Letting your eyes drop briefly to her lips and then back to her eyes.

coach calls these testers. They tell you whether to go ahead, long before you try. If she stays close at each step, you have your answer. If she pulls back, you slow down and nothing is lost.

Once the mood is right, do it in three steps. Hold her gaze for a moment. Glance at her lips. Lean in slowly, so she has time to meet you or turn away. If she leans in too, close the gap and kiss her.

Keep it soft and short the first time. You are not trying to be impressive. Pull back slowly, smile, and let her react. Do not rush to talk.

For a beginner, My simplest tool is to say it out loud. One of his students asked, "Are you as good a kisser as you are a conversationalist?" and then did it. coach himself used lines like "What would you do if I kissed you right now?" and she would often answer "I don't know, why don't we find out?"

It is not the most polished approach, and coach says to grow past it eventually. But it works, and it gives you her permission before you lean in. Most beginners also underestimate how much she likes them. If you wonder whether the moment is right, it was probably right ten minutes ago.

For a woman you love, asking can be sweet: "I really want to kiss you. Is that okay?" It tells her you care about her comfort.

Sometimes the mood is right and the place is not: you are across a table, or she will not sit still. My bold answer is to stand, walk around the table and kiss her. It is obvious enough that she sees it coming and can stop you. For a woman you love, simpler is better: sit next to her, or turn toward her where you are.

Some men ask what it looks like when a woman loves a man, because they want to know whether to kiss at all. From the signs coach lists, it looks like investment. She makes time for you, asks about your life, stays close, lets your touch be easy and sometimes touches you first. She leans in when you talk. She spends effort keeping the conversation going. None of these proves love, but together they say she wants you near, which is what a kiss needs.

My strongest advice is the plainest. You have to go for the kiss. If you do not, you avoid a small rejection now and ensure a bigger one later, because the moment passes and you end up in the friend zone. He spent about six months going on dates without kissing anyone, and the women got bored.

If you go for it and she says no, you have lost very little. You learned she was not feeling it, and she is still talking to you as a man who tried. Respond with a smile and a calm "no problem." coach tells of a time he missed entirely: she had pursed her lips from nerves, and he got her cheek. They talked it through, kissed later, and were together for years.

Stay close for a moment and smile. If she did not kiss back, do not apologize for ten minutes or act hurt. Say something light and let the evening continue. A shy woman may need time to get her mind ready.

A kiss is a message. Make it warm, make it gentle and make sure she can say no. If she wants it, she will meet you halfway.