How to Keep in Touch With a Woman You Met on Vacation

Ask before the last day, not on the way to the airport, and ask for one small thing: "Can I text you when I'm home?" Then send one message within a couple of days. If she answers warmly, keep going at a pace you can both keep up. If she gives you one line, send one more message a few days later, and if that also gets one line, the trip was the whole story and you can let it end well.

Most vacation meetings end at the airport. A few turn into something. The difference is usually decided in the last two days and the first week back.

There are three honest outcomes, and each needs a different sentence.

• A good memory. You liked each other and you both know it ends here. Say so: "I had a great time with you. Safe travels."
• A friendship that might turn into more. You want to stay in touch and see.
• A real attempt at something. One of you will fly, or move, to see the other.

Pick before you speak. A man who says "let's keep in touch" while meaning "let's see if you move here" leaves her guessing, and a woman guessing about a man's plans cools off.

On the last day she's packing and half gone. On the day before, you still have an evening.

"I've had a really good time with you. I'd like to stay in touch after the trip. Would you want that?"

That gives her an easy yes or no without making her promise anything. If she says yes, trade numbers or the app she actually uses, and ask how she likes to be reached. If she says "maybe," take it as a gentle no and enjoy the rest of the time.

Send it within a day or two of landing, while the trip is still fresh for both of you. Make it short, specific and easy to answer.

"Home safe? I'm still thinking about that sunset dinner. How was the flight?"

Pick something only the two of you share: a place, a joke, a meal. It reminds her it was real and gives her something to reply to. Skip "hey" on its own and skip anything long.

If she answers with a question back, you have a conversation. If she answers with one line and nothing else, send one more message in a few days and then let it be.

Texting every day for a week and then going quiet looks like a man whose interest faded. A steady rhythm works better: a message or a short call a few times a week, with a topic.

Move to a call or video chat early, since the connection came from being together and a voice carries more than text. Sending a photo of your day or a place you think she would like keeps it light.

What kills it is turning every message into "when will I see you?" before either of you has decided you want to. Let a few weeks of real conversation show whether there's something to plan.

Ask three things before you spend money or time.

Do you talk easily when you aren't on vacation? A trip makes everyone relaxed. If your calls are flat when you're both at home with ordinary days, the trip was doing the work.

Are you both asking for the next visit? If you're the only one ever suggesting a date, you're chasing.

Can you each picture the logistics? Who travels, how often, and for how long. If she lives in another country, needs a visa, or has a job that keeps her in place, talk about it plainly.

If the answers are good, book a short second visit before anyone moves. Time together in a normal week tells you more than another vacation.

Don't take it as a verdict on you. A vacation puts two people in the same relaxed mood, and going home ends that mood. Say "I enjoyed it. Take care of yourself," and stop writing.

Don't promise a future you haven't thought about. Don't pressure her because time is short. Don't say you love her after a week. A kind goodbye beats a vague "I'll text you" that you don't mean.

A good vacation meeting leaves both people better off, whether it ends at the gate or becomes something real.