How Do You Pick Up Women in Their Early Twenties When You Are Older?

Be playful, let her talk, and keep your impressive facts to yourself for the first few minutes. Women in their early twenties tend to respond to light teasing and real attention, and they get bored fast by an older man who explains how successful he is. Meet them in places where an older man fits naturally, dress well, and answer honestly when she asks your age.

If you are in your thirties or forties and doing fine with women your own age but going nowhere with women in their early twenties, the problem is usually not your age. It is the style of conversation you are using.

Most men who struggle with younger women make one of two moves. They try to relate to her on her level by talking about her classes, her friends and her weekend plans, and they come across as trying too hard. Or they steer the conversation to what they like and what impresses them: travel, a good job, a nice apartment, a hobby they are good at.

A woman in her early twenties usually cannot relate to those stories yet, and she reads them as an attempt to win her over. You are the one with more freedom and more experience. She does not need convincing of that, and if you push it, she feels like she is being sold something.

At that age, women often love talking about their lives, and the stories can be very sincere and a bit silly. Ask a real question and listen. "What was the best part of your day?" "What are you studying?" Then respond with warmth and a little humor.

A coach would call this the opposite of performing. You are not there to collect points. You are curious, relaxed and a little amused, and she senses it. The more she talks, the more comfortable she feels with you, and comfort is what opens the door to attraction.

Direct, playful teasing works well with younger women, because it is easy to read. If she tells you a dramatic story about a roommate who borrowed her hairbrush, you can say, "That sounds like a case for security. Do we need to call someone?" She laughs, rolls her eyes and keeps going. You are poking fun at the situation, not at her, and she knows it.

Avoid subtle moves that depend on reading between the lines. A very quiet, ironic reversal may not register with someone who has less social experience. Keep your teasing clear and kind.

Hold back the impressive details for the first conversation. You do not have to lie. If she asks what you do, give a short honest answer and turn it back to her: "I run a small company. It is less glamorous than it sounds. What about you?" Let her find out you are accomplished a little later, when she is already enjoying your company.

a dating coach calls what you are building plausible proximity: being around the women you are interested in in a way that does not seem awkward. A thirty-five-year-old man walking around a college campus can seem odd. The same man at a coffee shop a block away is perfectly natural, and a young woman who talks to him there has no reason to be wary.

a dating coach also says there are two kinds of older men: the one who is worldly, put together and interesting, and the one who has just gotten older. Be the first. Wear clothes that fit and suit your age, not clothes from ten years ago and not a teenager's wardrobe. Get in shape. Stay engaged and curious.

Only approach adult women, and be careful in settings where you cannot tell. At bars, clubs and many events everyone is of legal age, but a campus or a casual street is less clear. If you have any doubt, ask early and politely. If she says she does not date older men, or the age gap bothers her, thank her and leave it. You will find plenty of women who are comfortable with it.

Look for places where an older man belongs: cafes near campuses, bookstores, co-ed sports leagues, gyms, running clubs, art openings and weekday evenings at bars. a dating coach suggests going to events and joining activities where your target women already are. Bars and nightlife work too, as long as you dress and act like you belong.

Adjusting your style for different women is easier when a coach watches you do it. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp in Miami or New York, each training day has two four-hour blocks in the field. A coach gives live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days, so an older student can choose whichever format feels more comfortable. There is no skill floor, and every student leaves with a written practice plan.