How Do You Attract Women With Integrity?

You do it by doing the harder, honest thing even when the easy thing would work tonight. Say what you want. Keep your word. Never lie to get a woman home. Integrity feels like a handicap at first, and it becomes an advantage because women trust you faster, friends vouch for you, and you never have to remember what you told whom.

a dating coach uses a simple definition: integrity is doing the right thing when it is difficult. There is almost always an easy choice and a right choice. If you pick the easy one, life stays comfortable and a little hollow. If you pick the right one, it is harder and a lot better.

In dating, the easy choice and the right choice split often.

• Walking up to the woman you want to meet, instead of staying with your friends.
• Telling her you are interested, instead of waiting to be rescued from the silence.
• Saying you are not looking for anything serious, instead of letting her assume.
• Texting back when you said you would.

Each is small. Together they decide what sort of man you are.

Before you worry about her, check your own habits. Do you do the thing you said you would do? Do you go to the gym when you planned to? Do you approach the woman you meant to approach?

a dating coach's lesson from his teaching is to look at what has the highest chance of leading to what you want, and then do it, not the thing that feels comfortable or avoids a no. That is integrity toward yourself. A man who keeps promises to himself walks into a room differently.

Lying feels like a shortcut. It is a trap. A man who invents a story to get a woman into bed starts with distrust, and he must keep track of the story. If she finds out, her opinion of you, and of the friends she tells, turns sour.

Say the simple truth, warmly.

• "I think you are gorgeous and I would like to take you out."
• "I am not looking for a relationship right now, but I like spending time with you."
• "I want to see where this goes."

Some women will say no. Many will appreciate the honesty, and the ones who stay will have chosen with the facts in front of them.

a dating coach has talked about men who invent a girlfriend to seem more attractive or to dodge a woman. He is against it. If you do have a partner and start something with someone else, you open that new relationship with dishonesty. If you invented one, you now have a lie to untangle. Either way you are building on weak ground.

If you are with someone and drifting away, be clear about the state of that relationship, or end it first.

A man with integrity does not brag. What happens with a woman stays between the two of you. That protects her, and it tells every future woman that you can be trusted. She may never say it, but she will feel it.

Integrity is not a license to be blunt for the sake of it. You can be truthful and kind. Telling a woman you are not interested can be done with respect and no lecture. Turning down a second date can be a short message that thanks her.

A good rule: say what is true, and say it the way you would want to hear it.

If a woman says no, the answer is no. Moving on with grace builds a reputation that travels. Pushing, sulking or arguing destroys it. Women talk, and so do men who know both of you.

It is easy to agree with all of this and hard to live it when your heart is racing in front of an attractive woman. That is why practice in the real situation matters. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp in Miami or New York, you spend two four-hour blocks a day in the field, learning to approach honestly and handle the result with a coach at your side.

Does being honest make me less attractive?

It makes you more attractive to the right woman. It filters out the ones who want something you cannot give.

Can I play it cool and still be honest?

Yes. Playful and honest fit together. Teasing and warmth need no lies.

What if honesty gets me a no?

A clear no saves you weeks. Take it and walk up to someone else.